Chapter 43
“This is honestly the best anniversary gift ever,” Julep whispered with a sniff, her eyes watering as she smiled at the screen. Holden was beside her, a gentle smirk on his lips as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.
I held my phone, which showcased Julep and Holden in one square, Clay, Giana, and Atlas in another, Riley and Zeke in one, and of course, Leo and Mary in the last one — Leo holding the phone while Mary tattooed something on his thigh in the background.
What they saw was not my tired eyes or bird’s nest of hair — not that I cared if they did see it. But I had the camera turned away from me and pointed at where Kyle sat next to me on the couch, instead.
With Raven Isabel Robbins in his arms.
She was just over seven pounds, with a smattering of soft, fair hair on her cute little head, and eyes that were so bright blue I had a feeling they would stay that way.
Kyle held her in one arm like a football, his free hand adjusting the little headband on her because she kept wiggling it off. Right now, she was fast asleep — which tracked, since the precious little thing had kept us up most of the night.
I didn’t mind, though. I would happily be a zombie if it meant I could soak up this time of her being so small, so cuddly, so sweet and innocent. I was pretty much nothing more than a cow right now, existing only to feed her and make sure she was happy. There was nothing quite like newborn exhaustion. But at the same time, there was nothing like this particular brand of joy.
“Raven Isabel,” Riley said, shaking her head on a smile. “That is such a gorgeous name.”
“I fought it at first,” I admitted, sighing a bit at the victorious smirk on Kyle’s tired face. “But when she came out, when we held her for the first time… I can’t explain it. It was like she was telling us her name, and it was Raven. There was no refuting it.”
“I love being right,” Kyle said.
I dug my toes into his ribs until he yelped on a grin and swatted my ankle away.
“You’re going to wake her up!”
“Well, that wouldn’t be a bad thing. Maybe then she’d sleep tonight.”
Kyle rubbed my leg softly in understanding. He had been there every step of the way, waking up when I did, changing diapers and then handing Raven to me to feed. He’d also taken over so much with Sebastian — along with my parents, who thankfully flew in to help us in the first couple of weeks.
Raven Isabel was born at 7:42 PM on April sixteenth — Holden and Julep’s one year wedding anniversary. Labor had been easier for me this time around than it had been with Sebastian. Maybe it was because my body knew what to do. Maybe it was because I was supported and loved through it, because Kyle held my hand and reminded me to breathe and made sure I knew I wasn’t alone.
Whatever the reason, Raven came so fast, my epidural hadn’t even completely set in. I now knew what it was like to give birth with my legs numb, but my uterus still experiencing every contraction.
But it didn’t matter — none of it. Not the pain or the discomfort or the annoying headache I’d had for two days afterward.
Because our daughter was here, and everything was right in the world.
“Can I get you anything, honey?” Mom asked, rounding the corner from the kitchen. She was drying her hands on a dish towel, which told me she’d just cleaned up the kitchen after Dad had made us a big lunch.
“I’m good, Mom,” I assured her. “Why don’t you go rest?”
Mom nodded, looking just as tired as I was. Dad was already in the back room taking a nap since Braden had shown up and offered to take Sebastian to the park. Mom smiled and walked over to where Kyle held Raven, leaning down to stroke her granddaughter’s hair and coo at her.
“She’s the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever seen,” Mom whispered.
“Hey, I’m right here,” I said, which earned me a laugh from the North Boston University crew still on video call.
Mom leaned down to kiss my forehead. “Next to you, of course.”
“No,” I agreed. “You’re right. She wins.”
“It’s because she looks like her mama,” Kyle said.
He whispered the words, almost to himself, with a glazed smile on his face and his eyes all dreamy as he stared down at his daughter.
Mom and I shared a look — her eyes watering, mine following suit — before she squeezed my wrist and left us be.
For a while, we just chatted with the crew, everyone catching us up on what was new in their world. Atlas was four months old now, and I couldn’t believe how much he’d grown since we’d seen him at Christmas. Riley and Zeke were in the middle of launching a new girls’ football league in a small town in upstate New York, and every single one of us jumped in with offers to help sponsor any girls who couldn’t afford the summer camp fees.
Mary’s shop was thriving, and Leo was enjoying the offseason after a playoff run with the Vikings. Holden and Julep were already tending to their garden, rejoicing in spring and all its possibilities while they soaked up every moment of the offseason together.
We all vowed to have a group trip sometime over the summer before training camps picked back up, and just as I ended the call with them, the front door blew open.
Sebastian ran in with wide eyes and pink cheeks, calling out, “WE’RE HOME!” without a care in the world for a sleeping baby. He didn’t stop to take off his shoes. Instead, he ran straight through the foyer, past the dining room, and into the living room where we were lounging. We had the windows open to let in the crisp spring breeze, music playing softly on the Sonos, and ESPN on the television, muted.
It was the perfect little quiet spring day.
When Sebastian saw Raven was sleeping, he slowed his steps, giggling a little before he tiptoed over to the arm of the couch and leaned on it so he could look at her.
“Hi, baby sister,” he whispered, touching her cheek.
My heart exploded in to a million shiny pieces.
“She sleeps a lot,” he added with a toothy grin at Kyle.
“Can you believe you used to be this little?” Kyle asked him.
“No!” He laughed like that was a silly notion.
“Well, you were,” I said, and I thumbed through my phone until I found a pic to prove it. Sebastian ran over to me and laid his head on my chest while I showed him photo after photo of him as a baby, and he pointed and laughed at the outfits I’d put him in.
Braden looked beat when he joined us in the living room, flopping down into one of our leather chairs.
“Have fun?” Kyle asked.
“That kid has more energy than a hundred Energizer bunnies.”
“Makes you feel old, doesn’t it?” I teased.
“Makes me feel like I need to get back on the field. Clearly, I’m out of shape if I can’t even chase a seven-year-old around the park for a few hours.” Braden nodded on a smile over at Kyle. “How’s she doing?”
“Sleeping soundly, ready to keep Mom and Dad up all night,” Kyle said, booping our daughter on the nose like that was so adorable.
“I’m hungry,” Sebastian proclaimed.
“Come on,” I said, standing and helping him off the couch. “Mom will make you a grilled cheese.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Kyle scolded. He had clearly displayed his desire to keep me from doing anything close to work after birthing our child. “Your dad just made that skillet scramble. You can heat up leftovers.”
“That’s cute that you think Sebastian will eat something with mushrooms and green peppers.”
Sebastian wrinkled his nose on cue. “Ewwww, mushrooms!”
“Here, you take Raven and I’ll—”
“I’m fine,” I assured Kyle, pushing on his shoulder before he could stand. I leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek.
Sebastian talked my ear off about the park while I made a grilled cheese, and I stood at the island with him while he ate it, smiling and listening intently. I wanted to make sure he knew that having a baby sister meant he’d have to share us, yes, but that we still had space and time and attention for him.
When he was finished eating, I had him run up to take a bath, promising he could watch Big Hero 6 for the thousandth time when he finished.
I rejoined Kyle and Braden in the living room just in time to see Braden frowning at his phone.
“Bad news?” I asked.
As if the sound of my voice was a cue that food was near, Raven stirred, crying a bit and making faces that told me she was hungry. Kyle passed her to me, and I set up the nursing pillow under my arm, pulled the nursing cover over my head long enough to free my boob and get Raven latched, and then re-emerged.
Braden didn’t skip a beat. “Not bad, just… interesting.”
“Do tell,” I urged.
“Our PR coordinator wants me to volunteer for the Tacoma Girls Flag Football Jamboree in May,” he said. “They’re looking for about ten players to go out, and apparently, I’m on their list.”
“That’s awesome,” Kyle offered. “Why do you look like they just asked you to do team laundry?”
“Yeah. Riley and Zeke would be so proud of you if you attended,” I added.
“I’m excited for the event,” Braden assured us. “I told them at the end of the season to let me know if there were ways I could get involved with the community. It’s just…”
“What?” Kyle probed when Braden’s voice faded.
“Nothing.”
“Nuh-uh,” I said, shaking my head as I adjusted Raven to make sure she was actually nursing, and not sliding into another nap with my nipple in her mouth. “No lies in this house. Spill.”
Braden let out a heavy sigh. “The cheerleaders will be there.”
Kyle and I shared a look, and then Kyle deadpanned, “What a travesty.”
Braden glared at him. “Don’t be an ass.”
“Did I miss something? Why is that a bad thing?” I asked.
“It’s not,” Braden said, dragging a hand through his hair. “It’s just… there’s a new cheerleader who just made the squad, and she’s kind of a pain in my ass.”
This time, the look Kyle and I shared was tinged with curiosity.
“How have you already met her?” Kyle asked.
“I volunteered to be there on finals day, when the squad was selected. I don’t know. I was bored,” he said instantly, like he knew Kyle would ask why. “Anyway, she just… she’s trouble. One of those girls who learns the rules only so she can figure out how to break them.”
“I like her already,” I mused.
“I have a feeling you like her, too,” Kyle added. “Which is why you’re all weird about the event.”
“I’m not weird about it,” Braden defended, standing and tucking his phone away. “I’m going. And I don’t like her. I’m annoyed by her.”
“I think you could use someone to ruffle your feathers a bit,” Kyle said. “Someone to get you off your yoga mat and out causing a ruckus.”
“Did you just say ruckus?” Braden asked.
“Don’t change the subject.”
“There’s nothing more to talk about,” Braden said, and he walked over to clap hands with Kyle before nodding at me. “I gotta run, but please don’t hesitate to call if you want me to get Sebastian out of the house or take him for a night or two. He’s always welcome at mine.”
“You’re the best,” I told him. “Thank you for today.”
“Can’t wait to hear about the flag football event,” Kyle added with a grin.
Braden flipped him off, and then he left, and it was just the three of us.
Kyle scooted closer to me on the couch, draping an arm around me. Raven was finished eating, so I removed the nursing cover and put my boob away — much to Kyle’s dismay — before we were both looking down at her like the doting, love-sick parents we were.
“How you doing, Mom?” Kyle asked me, kissing my shoulder.
“Tired,” I answered honestly. “But amazing. You?”
“Same.” He nuzzled into me. “You’re fucking incredible. You know that?”
“I think I’ve heard you say that a few times over the last week,” I mused on a smile.
“Well, it’s true. Watching you give birth…” Kyle shook his head. “I’ll never forget that experience, Mads. I didn’t think it was possible to love you more, but fuck, I was wrong.”
He captured my chin and brought my lips to his, kissing me with the full intent behind those words. I was still melting into that kiss when the security system notified us there was someone at the gate.
I frowned. “Maybe Braden forgot something?”
“He has the code,” Kyle said with a frown of his own. “I’ll go see.”
He hopped up just in time for Sebastian to run down the stairs, hair still wet, a fresh pair of shorts and his favorite dinosaur t-shirt on. He knew now how to put on the movie by himself, and once it started playing, he curled up beside me and Raven on the couch, leaning his head on my arm.
My whole fucking life was complete.
We weren’t even through the beginning bot scene when I heard voices by the front door. Curious, I told Sebastian I’d be right back, and with Raven in my arms, I made my way toward the noise.
When I laid eyes on Lynette Robbins, I froze in my tracks.
She looked so much older than when we were kids. Her hair was gray now, her face lined and weathered. She was wringing her hands together with her eyes cast up nervously at her son, the two of them talking in hushed voices.
She started to cry.
And then, rigidly, Kyle took her into his arms.
I watched another mother break in that moment, clinging to Kyle as she sobbed, and he held onto her as if he still wasn’t sure he should be holding her at all. But there was a tender forgiveness and understanding in that embrace, and when they pulled back, Kyle wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb.
Then, her eyes found me.
“Oh, Madelyn,” she whispered, her eyes flooding again. And when that gaze dropped to Raven, she covered her mouth with her hands. “Is this her?”
I looked to Kyle for guidance, and he swallowed, nodding, promising me with that one look that he’d explain what I’d missed later. Gently, he guided his mother over to where I stood.
“Mom, this is Raven Isabel.”
“Oh,” she said again, her hands shaking. “Oh, she’s beautiful.”
I offered a small smile. “Would you like to hold her?”
Mrs. Robbins’s eyes shot wide when they found mine. “Could I? Once I wash up, of course,” she said quickly, holding out her hands before she was wringing them together again. “Airplane travel and all.”
I nodded. “Absolutely. Nothing better for a baby than grandma cuddles.”
The look Lynette gave me then was one of disbelief, like she couldn’t believe I was treating her with such kindness after what she’d done to me, to Kyle, to both of us.
But if there was one thing I believed in now more than ever, it was forgiveness. It was compassion for people who were just trying to do what they thought was right, just trying to survive. I may never understand why she did what she did, but she was still the mother of the man I loved.
I would respect her always for that, if nothing else.
“Come inside,” I said, leading her toward the living room. “We just put on a movie. And I can make you some tea.”
“I will make tea,” Kyle said. “You go rest.”
I chuckled, leaning into his kiss when he pressed it against my cheek.
Lynette watched the whole interaction with tears in her eyes.
After she’d washed up and Kyle had taken her bag upstairs to a guest room, Lynette and I sat down on the couch next to one another. I gently handed Raven over to her, making sure her little head was supported as Lynette did her best not to cry once her granddaughter was safely in her arms.
She was quiet for a moment, staring down at our precious new addition to the family before she looked at me.
“You’ve always brought out the best in him,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for that, for you, when I should have.”
I swallowed, covering her hand with mine. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to tell her it was okay — because it wasn’t. But I nodded. I wanted her to know that she was welcome now, even if we still had a lot to work through.
Kyle brought us both a cup of tea, and then he sat down on the floor next to Sebastian, who had sprawled out in his favorite Lovesac. I laughed as they watched the movie together, both of them reciting the same parts that they knew by memory since this was my son’s favorite movie in the world.
And next to me, a woman I thought was out of our lives forever was coming back in, asking for forgiveness, willing to try to be better.
I didn’t need all the details right now. All I cared about was that my family was in this house — my parents, my future husband, my son and my daughter. And now, my future mother-in-law, who showed bravery just by coming here on her own. I knew without asking that that hadn’t been easy for her to do, that there likely had been a fight, that she’d made a choice — her son over her husband.
Whatever the future held for us, we were family. All of us.
I found so much hope and comfort in that fact alone.