Experiment Undead

Dear Notepad,

It’s Saturday the second of July in the year two thousand and twenty-two. I found this notepad in the spare bedroom cupboard of this stupid old farmhouse I’ve been stuck in for over two weeks. So, being bored out of my brain and no longer allowed to go outside without Nate present, I figured I’d utilise this useless notepad. Did I mention it was my birthday yesterday? I didn’t tell the others. I didn’t see the point. I mean, who wants to celebrate birthdays while soulless people are roaming around outside anyway?

I wonder if my foster mother and brother remembered my twelfth birthday yesterday. Then again, I’ve been wondering if they are even alive. They could have died when the bombs hit, or even if they survived that, they could have been bitten by soulless or gotten into other trouble.

After I killed the soulless old tall man, Nate rescued me from the violent storm, bringing me back to the farmhouse. I woke next to Nate the next morning with a fever. I was unwell for a few days, but I took Nate’s map when I was well enough and tried to sneak out of the house. Of course, he caught me climbing out the window. He wasn’t impressed, so instead of him and Todd keeping watch for soulless, they now also take turns keeping post outside the window so I can’t leave. I may as well be under lock and key in prison.

Oscar, Nancy and Emma have kept me company, but if I have to play scrabble one more time, I think I will pull my pigtails out and scream. You would think people would own more than one board game. I’m envious when I watch Oscar and Emma running around and playing outside. Nate said I have to earn his trust back, and then he will let me outside unsupervised.

He has taken me outside for a walk each day. I yelled at him and told him I wasn’t his pet dog. He laughed at me and said I was being melodramatic. I don’t know what that means, but it annoyed me, so yesterday, I decided if he would treat me like a dog, then I’d act like one. So, I kept running around in the dirt on all fours, barking and pretending to scratch fleas. It pissed him off so much. You should have seen how mad he got afterwards when I pretended to pick a flea off my arm and flick it at him.

He growled at me to get back inside, but being a disobedient dog, I climbed the nearest tree and refused to come down until Kate called everyone in for dinner.

Kate is such a good cook. I was so hungry I was scoffing the food down until Nate laughed at me and said acting like a pig suited me more than acting like a dog. I glared at him and kicked his leg hard under the table. He stood up to growl at me, but then Kate, my saviour, spoke up and told him to sit back down and eat his dinner. I had the biggest smirk and ate the rest of my dinner like the princess I am.

I toss the notepad and pen back in the cupboard, sprawl on the floor, and spend the next twenty minutes staring at the dull ceiling, feeling bored and sad. So when I hear a knock on the door, my face lights up with hope. Finally, some company! But as Nate enters the room, my expression falls. I can’t help but show my disappointment.

‘I was hoping it was Oscar, Emma, Todd, or Kate coming to see me. Honestly, I’d even prefer the company of the soulless over you,’ I tell him, my tone bitter.

Nate frowns. I can see the hurt in his eyes. He sits down beside me, feeling a mix of empathy and guilt.

‘Come on, Penny. Surely, I’m not that bad? It hasn’t been easy on us these last couple of weeks,’ he says, trying to lighten the mood.

I ignore him and stare at the ceiling, my arms folded tightly across my chest.

He sighs heavily and sprawls out next to me, his head propped up on his hand. ‘Look, I’ve been thinking... maybe I’ve been too harsh on you, and I’m sorry. This isn’t meant to be a punishment. I just wanted to keep you safe.’ As he speaks, I notice the sadness etched on his face. ‘You see, that night you left, you scared the hell out of me. Kate and Todd said to give you space and that you’d be back soon, but my gut told me otherwise. So, I ran into the old barn, found the reins and saddles, and geared up the first horse I found. I rode out to look for you,’ Nate’s voice cracks as he speaks, his eyes filling with tears. ‘I must have been riding for two hours in the pitch dark and rain till I heard the gunshot nearby, then when I saw your arms sticking out from under that soulless man, and you weren’t moving,’ Nate’s chest heaves heavily, he can’t finish the sentence. He places his hands on my shoulders, and I can see the pain in his eyes, ‘I might be young, Penny, but I’ve seen heavy shit. Things you wouldn’t believe if I told you. But when I saw you lying there as if you were dead, it was the most awful feeling I had ever felt. I thought... I thought I was too late. But when I heard your voice and saw your hand move, it became the best feeling I had ever felt. When I returned you inside the farmhouse, I vowed to myself that if I had to lock you up to keep you safe, then I bloody well would.’

We stare at each other for a long moment, fighting back the tears.

‘Penny, I never want to feel that awful feeling again. You hear me?’ he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

I nod, my tears flowing freely now. Without thinking, I throw my arms around Nate, burying my face in his chest. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid. I knew I should not have left, but I didn’t listen to you,’ I sob.

‘Penny, you’re not stupid. So don’t say that. You just wanted to be with your mother and brother. I get it. I won’t keep you locked in the farmhouse. Just at least promise me you won’t flee on your own again?’ he says.

I wipe my tears, smile and nod, ‘I promise.’

‘Let’s get you out of this room then. Nancy is driving me crazy, asking to see you,’ he says.

I enter the bathroom, my shoulders hunched and my head hanging low. As I rinse my face, I let out a deep sigh and close my eyes for a moment, feeling the cool water wash away the remnants of my tears. I slowly raise my fingers and trace the small scar on the side of my head, feeling the bumpy skin beneath my fingertips. A small frown creases my brow as I recall the car accident from the explosion that left me with this scar.

Suddenly, I snap out of my thoughts. I see the redness in my eyes gradually disappearing, and I give myself a small nod of approval. I don’t want anyone to know I’ve been crying, especially not Nancy.

I leave the bathroom and stride towards Nancy, who rests on the couch. Her face lights up with a broad smile as soon as she sees me, and she excitedly squeals my name. I can’t help but grin at her enthusiasm as I reply with her name. I cautiously sit beside her, careful not to touch her injured arm. Leaning over, I embrace her gently. As I pull back, I study her face, noting the slight discomfort in her features.

‘How are you feeling?’ I ask her, my voice laced with genuine care.

‘It still hurts, but it’s not unbearable like the first week,’ Nancy replies, a small grimace flashing across her face. ‘The medicine helped a lot, but Nate said he doesn’t want to give me more if he can help it, so I have to deal with my lesser pain now.’

I nod sympathetically. ‘I guess that’s fair enough,’ I reply, offering a small smile.

Nancy nods in agreement before breaking into a chuckle. ‘I’ll be glad to get this splint off he made. Nate even stuck two wooden spoons in there,’ she says, shaking her head in amusement. ‘He said it would help heal my arm properly in place. It was so funny because mum was trying to find them later that day for cooking. I had to tell her where they were, of course.’

As Nancy laughs, I can’t help but join in, imagining the look on Kate’s face.

The roar of jets suddenly flies over the farm. Nancy and I hug each other while the house rattles. Todd runs by the lounge door and out the front door with a white sheet. I race to the window and watch as he waves it around like a flag to get the pilots’ attention. Oscar runs further up a small slope and waves his arms out, shouting, ‘Hey, Hey, over here!’ Oscar’s shoulders slump in disappointment as the jets disappear.

Nate enters the lounge, ‘That’s the third time jets have flown past this week.’

‘Do you think they know we’re here?’ I ask.

‘Probably, but they might have orders to avoid civilians and concentrate on targeting the soulless. There’s nowhere here for a jet to land, nor would they have the space to carry us.’

‘I guess that makes sense, but now that Nancy is improving, when do you think we will leave?’ I ask him.

Nate looks away with guilt, ‘Honestly, Penny. We’re probably better off staying here for as long as possible. We’re safe here for now, but we might not be so lucky to find shelter and food like this again so easily once we leave.’

I storm up to him and stare firmly into his eyes, ‘You lied. You lied to me! You said in two weeks we would leave. It’s been over fourteen days now! And Kate said yesterday at dinner there aren’t many vegetables left in the garden, and it will take weeks, even months, to grow more.’

‘I know,’ Nate says, pointing out the window. ‘We do have an abundance of sheep we can cull and eat the meat for as long as we have to while we keep up the growth of the vegetables in the garden.’

Kate enters the room, ‘We have enough food to get us through for about three more days, then after that, it will just be lamb for quite some time,’ she says.

‘But why can’t we go to a Safe Hold? They’ll have food. Lots of food and somewhere for us to sleep,’ I argue.

Nate sighs, ‘Penny, we don’t know the exact location of the Safe Holds. Even if we make it to other towns, they’ve all been overrun with the soulless. General Maywood has the radio. Without that, we don’t know more about what has happened since we arrived here at this farm. We need to know what towns have been destroyed and the safe location meet-up points to be rescued and taken to a Safe Hold. We can’t just walk out of here into the unknown. It could be a decision that could kill us all.’

I’m frustrated that Nate has a lot of good points and so many I can’t argue with. So, I don’t reply. Nancy takes my hand to comfort me.

Todd and Oscar enter the house to find us sitting in the lounge with glum faces, staring at the carpet. ‘I’m sorry. I tried to wave down the jets. I’m sure they have seen us. I think they’re choosing to ignore us,’ Todd says and sits back on the empty recliner.

Nate looks over at Todd, ‘I was just saying to the others they might have orders to target soulless and ignore civilians for now. They could land easier in one of the fields and fly us out of here if it was a helicopter. The jets only have the pilot inside. Even if they found a landing strip, they’d have nowhere to put us,’ Nate explains to him.

‘Well then, what do we do now?’ Todd asks.

‘What we’ve been doing. Wait it out for as long as we can,’ Nate tells him.

‘But we’ve already killed eleven soulless who wandered onto the farm this week. There’s only going to be more over time,’ Todd says.

‘Then we continue to keep post each day and kill any we see as they enter the farm,’ he says.

‘You make it sound so easy,’ Todd retorts, crossing his arms.

‘It’s not hard when they enter one at a time. We can start worrying when they arrive in groups. For now, we stay put,’ Nate says, exiting the lounge and through the front door.

Kate stares sympathetically at Nancy, ‘You know what, Nancy, how about you kids go outside and see how the horses are going?’ she smiles.

‘Really? I can finally play outside?’ Nancy beams.

‘Well, not play as such. You have to be mindful of your arm, but there’s no reason you can’t walk around and pat the horses with your good arm,’ Kate says.

Nancy jumps from the couch, and we race outside.

We make our way to the stable, and as we open the pens for each horse, the animals eagerly nicker and neigh, welcoming us. Nancy takes hold of the reins of the brown male, while Oscar takes charge of the brown female. Emma and I approach the white mare, standing on either side, holding her reins together, and leading her out of the stable.

As we spend an hour leading the horses around, I turn to Emma with a smile. ‘We should give them names, don’t you think?’

Her face lights up. ‘Yes! Fluffy Long Face!’ she exclaims.

We share a laugh, but I can see that Emma’s enthusiasm falters at my next words. ‘I think we can find something a bit nicer, don’t you think?’

Nancy chimes in, ‘I’m going to name this one Buddy,’ she says as she strokes the brown stallion’s mane.

I pat the white mare’s head, admiring her beauty. ‘What about Dream for her name, Emma?’

Emma’s smile returns. ‘I like Dreamer. It suits her,’ she replies.

‘Dreamer it is,’ I reply to Emma.

Nancy turns to Oscar. ‘And what about her?’ she asks, gesturing to the brown mare.

‘I was thinking Tillie,’ he says.

‘Great, they all have names now,’ I smile.

We suddenly hear the bleating cry of sheep. We look toward the small slope ahead to see the flock of sheep running toward us. Panic sets in, and Emma grips my hand so tightly that I feel the blood draining from my fingers.

‘What’s happening?’ she says, her voice trembling with fear.

‘I’m not sure. Something isn’t right. They’re frightened of something,’ I say, stepping closer toward the incoming sheep.

As more sheep run over the hill, I notice that some are covered in blood. Then to my horror, I watch as some of the bloodied and injured sheep turn. Their eyes glaze over and darken, and they bear their teeth before biting into other sheep. A chill runs down my spine as I realise what’s happening.

Five soulless humans emerge from over the slope behind them. Their eyes are devoid of emotion, and their skin is a sickly shade of grey. One of them bites into a newborn lamb that didn’t stand a chance of escaping. I feel sick as I watch the gruesome scene unfold before me.

I turn to the others. They are frozen in fear as they watch the flock of sheep attacking each other. ‘Run!’ I shout at them.

They keep hold of the horse reigns and run back toward the farmhouse to warn the others.

My heart is pounding so hard that I can feel it in my throat and the sweat forming across my forehead. I should run with the others, but instead, I pull the two daggers out from my socks and spread my feet apart, waiting to strike.