Experiment Number One

I had little to no training for my powers during my time in the compound. As you know by now, much of the focus was on the power components of my M-Gene and how to strip those qualities to create a cure. Up until Ren Clash mentioned it in the meeting, they didn’t care about the possibilities of my powers at all. They didn’t care or they feared what I might’ve done to them.

George gave to go ahead that allowed me to evolve my power; however, I was only granted short one-hour sessions to exercise it. Of course, Lieutenant Wallace was my teacher. He knew nothing about my power. I almost killed him a few times. We only worked together for two days but I had three training sessions in totally.

The first day was awkward for one reason.

I’d been up all night thinking about what happened in the meeting room. I thought at first Lieutenant Wallace was acting weird towards me because of our convo during the power outage but after my freak out that happened the day prior to our first training session, I wasn’t convinced it was regret. Him trying not to be suspicious by outright ignoring me didn’t make sense, either. To ignore me would draw attention to use and cause the government to start asking questions. It all led back to him being upset I said yes to the experiments in the first place. I just couldn’t wrap my head around why he wanted me to have a say in my future that bad. He was the lieutenant of the military for gods sake, it’s his job to take away rights. To enforce militia law. To shield the world from danger. Beyond all that, I was deciding my future. I gave them the permission and didn’t allow the government to make that decision for me. Isn’t that what he wanted all along?

I didn’t know how to understand Lieutenant Wallace.

He knocked on my door around 10 in the morning; I knew this thanks to the clock I requested. I thought it could give me some sense of normalcy but it made time in the compound move slower, but whatever. He knocked on the door, pretty harshly I might add, I opened it and he said it was time for training. So we left and I followed him to the training room in complete silence. I could feel the tension in the air like someone was squeezing my body and my blood vessels were on the brink of exploding and coating the hygienic white walls with a coat of red paint.

We got to the training room, which was just like an empty gym. It was enormous compared to all the other rooms in the compound, to the point where I felt like I was being swallowed by the air. It had red brick walls, light brown hardwood flooring, and basketball hoops on either side of the room. It looked like an average high school gym and felt out of place. It was like there was preexisting life before they built the compound’s cold, soulless walls around them. Thick blue mats were lying on the ground in the middle of the space and that’s where we did most of the training.

During the first day, we mainly focused on me trying to call to my power. I had a little experience with that from when I tried to escape and I told Lieutenant Wallace my method of thinking about sad stuff. He just nodded and told me to try it. So I did.

I visualized Amilio’s fourth birthday.

My mother was actually courteous enough to celebrate it with us. I was planning on making one of those boxed cakes you get from the grocery store, but that morning, my mother told me she would buy a cake from our local bakery. I was hesitant at first; it was too good to be true, but my mother looked genuine with her soft smile. I put my trust in her.

Long story short, my mother did show up later that night. She stumbled through the door, and when I asked her where the cake was, she snapped at me. She called me ungrateful, said that I don’t dictate what she does and doesn’t do, and said we didn’t need to celebrate his birthday. It was just another day. With tears, I bundled Amilio and Mariana up to face the cold weather. However, it was only fall, I vividly remember it being bitter out, and we walked down to the bodega. I spent the last amount of some change I scraped up and bought a box of chocolate cake mix, a small bottle of vegetable oil, a four-count carton of eggs, and a jar of green vanilla icing.

I used the memory as a devastating emotion to unlock my powers but it did end on a happy note. Not everything in the Mendoza household was some great tragedy.

Most of the time I was with my siblings, it was us against the world. We were our own little family without our parents. That night, once we got home from the bodega, we spent it making cupcakes and celebrating Amilio’s birthday. My father and mother left to do what they did, so we cranked up the radio and danced to some pop tunes in our kitchen. We played some old games we had stacked away in the back of a closet, and even though they had missing pieces, we still made the best of what we had. Warm moments like those make me miss what I had in Lusha.

But back to the training.

With my luck, it didn’t work. That happy moment at the end of the memory caused my power to distinguish. According to Lieutenant Wallace, he didn’t even see a spark. With a groan, I tried again to think of another memory, but they all ended on happy notes. I could tell Lieutenant Wallace was beginning to get frustrated, which made me upset.

“Try harder, Emerye.”

“I am trying!”

“Well, maybe you need to try a different method.”

“This is what worked last time.”

“Try something else.”

He crossed his arms. It looked like specks of a fire were sparking in his eyes, and I could see the steam radiating off his face. I mumbled something along the lines of, “I would like to see you try.” But I don’t think he heard me. Or he did, and he just didn’t care enough to respond.

“The moments you used your powers, what were you thinking about.”

“Uh, just pivot moments in my life where I was upset,” I said sarcastically.

“Tell me the times.”

I cleared my throat, not knowing how to really respond to him. I never told anyone anything about my life, mainly because no one cared to ask.

Lieutenant Wallace was in the middle ground with me; I didn’t know what to think about him. He showed me trust during the blackout and my outburst in the meeting but during testing and training he was acting like I was the last person he’d rather be with. But, I mean, what was the worst that could be done? I was already locked in the compound with no way out.

“Well, the first time was when my father was trying to kill me. I was kind of okay with dying, I guess, but then he threatened my siblings, and it made me upset. The second time was when I was being arrested. I got to see my siblings and they were acting like they didn’t even know me, and just like that, I was being taken away from them. During the black out, I pondered the moment I was left to take care of my siblings when I was eleven to activate my power. Then, in the meeting room yesterday, I don’t know. I guess the yelling kind of spooked me.”

Lieutenant Wallace stayed quiet in thought as his eyes drifted. He took a second to respond, and I spoke up because I was feeling uncomfortable. “What I was thinking unlocked my powers was my siblings and the sad moments that shaped our lives. I mean, that’s the string between them all.”

“No, I don’t believe that.” He met my eyes. “I think that the string between them all is you feeling powerless. The moment with your father and getting arrested, you felt out of control. The moment when you were charged with taking care of your siblings, you felt helpless. The moment in the meeting room yesterday, you got triggered and felt powerless. Your power comes out in times where you feel inadequate and it gives you that surge back. So maybe, instead of focusing on the times you didn’t feel worthy, just conceptualize that feeling. Take back all of that pain your past gave you and convert it into your energy.”

The memory of Amilio’s birthday ended on a happy note because I took control of the situation. I didn’t let my mother and her lack of care shape how the day would play out. I might’ve felt powerless against my mother when she came home high but it was replaced by the feeling of rage and that rage gave me the push to take matters into my own hands.

I closed my eyes, and instead of feeling within my head, I felt with my heart. I let the pain impale me; I let it twist and turn. I let it accumulate in my soul. And I pushed it to turn into something more.

I reached my hands out, aiming them at nothing with no confidence that something would come out of me. In all honesty, for a second, I felt kind of dumb doing that. It was an awkward feeling, but if my powers just spray right out of me, it was best to get it as far away from Lieutenant Wallace, who was standing behind me, as I could.

It grew in my body. It hummed deep inside me and massaged its way out. I let it move through me and course through my veins. I guided it to my fingertips and urged it to have its release. I pushed, and like a river turning into a waterfall, my power flowed from within me. My eyes popped up, watching as the blue sparks radiated from my palms in clusters, aiming across the gym. I laughed in what I can only describe as pure happiness. It worked! I made it work independently without walking down the treacherous path in memory lane. I made it work, and it was even stronger than before.

I turned to Lieutenant Wallace, who couldn’t hide the smile on his face. It was broad cheek to cheek; his rosy lips were pulled back, showing his straight white teeth. He walked towards me and placed his hands on my shoulders, giving me a gentle shake of encouragement. I didn’t move away; I wasn’t afraid of hurting him. In fact, I leaned into his touch, feeling a sense of comfort in that moment. All the worries in the world melted away as I watched my sparks dance in the gym’s dimmed lights.

After we sat there for a few minutes, the moment felt like it was cut short by Lieutenant Wallace saying, “Now, turn it off.” My bolts blinked a little at the misery I suffered under the possibility of my power going haywire. What if that happens again? What if I couldn’t turn it off?

Lieutenant Wallace’s words from the day before invaded my mind. Breathe and don’t lose control. So I shook my head and said to myself, okay, Emerye. You got this. Just breathe. Don’t think about anything. Breathe. I actively put myself in a state of meditation. I took breathes in and out. I cleared my mind of anything negative. I took the moment to be with myself and within myself. To feel the inner workings of my body. And just as the power pushed its way out of me, I felt it get engulfed back in. I relished in the slow pining of it retreating back into my bones, where it landed back to sleep.

When I reopened my eyes, the only thing left were the charred blue mats and wooden floors. I couldn’t care less about the destruction of property. All I cared about at that moment was that I controlled my power alone.

When I turned around, I squealed, “I did!” and threw my arms around Lieutenant Wallace’s middle in the heat of the moment. I pressed my face into his chest. I breathed in his briny musk. He stood still, not latching back onto me. When I realized what I was doing, I pulled away, mumbling an incoherent mess of apologies. I turned my face to hide the red creeping up on my neck to my face, brushing my hair to cover it. A rough hand landed on my shoulder, where it gave a tight squeeze.

“You did good, Emerye.”

I peeked at him, where he stood with kind eyes and a supportive smile. A part of me screamed inside to stop being so stupid and that it was just a hug. It didn’t mean anything. Another part told me that it felt nice. Natural.

Pushing past it, I said, “Let’s try again.” I stretched my hands, closed my eyes, and called to my power.

Lieutenant Wallace seemed to lighten up towards the end of our first session but it wasn’t like that for the remaining one. In fact, by the second session, his attitude became so incredibly bad that I gave up on trying with him altogether.