Emily's Seams

It was Saturday. Normally I’d head to the lab to check on mice or some cells but there wasn’t any of that happening. I had the day off. Then I saw the list of names and cities on my bedside table. Being idle never worked well for me. Especially in the last few years. I got straight to work.

It didn’t take long to find Francine and Doug’s obituaries. Annoyingly, they were the polite kind that didn’t mention how the person had ended it all. But each hinted at suddenly.

I read through Francine’s obituary again. Survived by brother James. I looked up his contact information and called his home in Chicago. This month’s long distance bill was going to be hell.

A gruff voice answered on the fourth ring in a rough hello.

“Hi, my name’s Emily. My mom is Doreen Simmons. She’s getting on and asked me to look up some of her friends that she wanted to get in touch with. One of them is Francine May Tate but I can’t seem to find her in the phone book. Would you happen to be of any relation?” Not bad, I thought to myself.

The line was quiet for a minute. “Doreen, you said?”

“Yes.” I suddenly hoped that Francine hadn’t actually known any Doreens. I didn’t.

“Well, I’m sorry to pass this on, but Franny’s not with us anymore. She passed away twenty years ago.” His voice was genuinely apologetic.

Now I felt like crap but I was in too deep. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! My mom had said they’d grown apart.”

“Well, as much as I loved her, Franny tended to make that happen without much work.”

“Look, I know this is none of my business but would you tell me how she died?”

The line was quiet again. A heavy sigh told me he was still there and seriously considering telling me. “She gave herself too much insulin. Easy to do I guess but she was alone so much that we didn’t find her until it was too late.”

“I’m so sorry. My deepest sympathies.” How many times did I hear those exact words twice upon a time?

“Thank you. And mine to your mother.” he answered kindly.

“I will pass those on, thanks.” I felt like crap but what was I supposed to have said? Hey, you’ll never guess where I bumped into your dead sister! Huntsville of all places!

I stopped for a moment before continuing on. Francine was actually dead and although I had expected as much, I now had a person to go with the name and the method of death. I could feel a deep pain flare up within me as my body and mind remembered this feeling. I took a slow breath and exhaled completely as if that could extinguish something within.

Doug was next. He was actually much easier. Because he had died so recently, I managed to find an article on his passing. The Passing of a Legend, it was called. I would have bet money that I had an article on the wrong guy except for the picture. As much as he had paid the photographer to make him look impressive, it was still Doug. He might as well of saved a couple of bucks and had this shot done at Sears for all the good it did him. There was no one talented enough to make this small, balding man look fierce.

The article was short and had what I’d needed. Doug had died of a heart attack. The article also said that the paramedics had found him in the bathroom. I knew that meant on the can, otherwise they would have said shower, but I had already decided that I would leave that bit out. He had no surviving family. I found myself hoping that with all the money, Doug had been able to at least buy the occasional date.

I’d left Dolly last. There was no obituary. I wasn’t surprised. Dolly had died so long ago that I was pretty sure no mention of her could be found on the Internet. I’d hoped that she had been some crazy awesome Las Vegas stripper whose death was a big deal, but there was nothing.

I really didn’t want to go back to Creekside before I had something for each of the willing participants but I also didn’t want to stay away. I knew that any normal person would have stayed away from that place but I guess I wasn’t normal anymore. I don’t know what it was about them but I felt better when I was there.

I walked past my lab, paused for a second and thought about going in but decided to just keep on going. I came up to the 7-11 and thought long and hard about a peace offering for Angus. I didn’t do anything wrong. They all could have told me to go to hell but they didn’t. They wanted to know what had happened to them just as much as I needed to know. But Angus would still be upset with me and I wanted to make it right somehow.

I considered a Penthouse or Playboy but then thought it through a little more. Even if the guy could get it up in purgatory, it was one room that he shared with three other people. There wasn’t even a bathroom he could excuse himself to. And if he couldn’t, well...why remind him of that fact? Angus had a swagger about him like a cowboy. He didn’t need to be reminded that his stud days were well behind him.

I settled on another pack of Marlborough, some more peanuts, chips, pop, licorice and a few newspapers. As I dumped my armful of snacks on the counter, I caught sight of a setup of novelty lighters. They weren’t as great as the kinds with magically undressing women but I still found them funny in a campy sort of way. They were little revolvers. Yeah, the cowboy would like one.

I smiled to myself as I pushed open the doors and headed out to the old hospital.

“Hey!”

I turned around. The gangly kid that had been behind the counter the other day was walking towards the 7-11 in his regular clothes. Hoody, tight skinny jeans and a skateboard. I have to admit, I didn’t think he’d have the coordination for that sport.

He was all smiles. “Whoa, you must be such a stoner, you’re already resupplying.” He hee-hawed as he looked at the fat bag I was carrying.

“No, I wish.”

He eyed me carefully for a second. “Really?”

“Sure. Are you still working here?” I didn’t know why he suddenly looked so interested and a change of topic seemed in order.

“Nah, just coming by to pick up my last check before the boss does inventory and tries to stiff me. But seriously, I’ve got some dope. That’s my new gig. Good stuff too. I’d sell it to you at cost. Give you the fat-bitch-ass-kicker discount!”

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Dumb Emily. “Sure. I’ve got ten bucks, how much will that get me?”

“Tell you what. I’ve already got two fatties rolled. They’re yours.” He reached into the pocket of his hood and pulled out a small plastic baggie.

I handed him a crushed up ten from my pocket and took the plastic baggie. I’d never tried this shit in my life. Whenever it came up in school, I’d been too busy. My excuse now was that nobody offered anymore. Guess Dumb Emily just didn’t want to miss out on all these experiences just because the rest of me was a pill.

“Thanks. Be careful, eh? Watch out for feds or something.”

Hee-haw! “Feds? Do we even have those in Canada? Nah, maybe some asshole on a horse but I’m not too worried. They’ll just steal whatever stash I’ve got on me and let me go about my business. They’re as high as the rest of us.”

This kid was getting better every second. “Alright. See ya.”

“Yeah, see you around.”

As I walked to Creekside, I wasn’t too sure what I was planning to do with my purchase. I shoved it in my pocket and forgot about it.

The building looked a little brighter today. I knew it was just the sun being out for a blessed and rare occasion but it was still nice. The crude graffiti down the entrance hall didn’t seem so bad. The lingering smell of piss wasn’t as strong.

“Finally decided to grace us with your presence, I see.” Angus leaned against the doorway of the room at the end of the hall.

“Hope time doesn’t move like that for you usually. I’ve only been gone two days.” I shot back.

“Even still, getting everyone’s panties bunched up like that and then leaving them hanging. Not very nice.” Angus was really good at looking like he didn’t give a rat’s ass.

“I brought you a present.”

He casually lifted his eyebrows in mock surprise. “Is that so?”

I was about to fish out the lighter when I remembered what had happened the other day with Jude’s smokes. “Maybe I could go in and see everyone first? You can’t grab anything out here anyways.”

He sucked away on a long, white cigarette, continuing to look as if he had all the time in the world. I guess he did.

Finally he rubbed off the cigarette’s burning end and tucked away the precious stem.

“Still being frugal with those?”

“Habit.” he answered as he tucked the pack back into his sleeve, as usual. “Alright, let’s go.”

The wall opening up was starting to look normal. That couldn’t be a good thing.

“Angus? Are you the only one who can do this?”

He shook his head. “Nah, they can all do it. Just no reason to come out. Can’t go too far anyways and it’s nicer in there.”

I went in first. Francine, Doug and Dolly all shot their heads up once they realized that Angus wasn’t alone.

“Emily!” Francine exclaimed. She actually seemed happy to see me. I winced when I remembered what I had promised to find out about her. “Come on, have a sit!”

I forced a smile and went to table where I spilled out the contents of the plastic bag. I moved a few things around until I found what I was looking for.

Dolly gasped. “Emily, hun. Why’d you bring that?”

“It’s a present. For Angus.” I turned around, still holding the lighter in my hand.

He smiled. “Well I’ll be damned.” He took the lighter from my hand carefully. Guess he didn’t wholly trust this loophole I’d made possible. Once it was in his hand and he could feel the weight of it, his smile widened. He clicked the lighter and I heard Dolly gasp as the tiny revolver shot out a lick of fire.

“It’s just a lighter?” she asked. It could have been a five year old asking.

“Yeah, not to worry Dolly. It’s just a lighter.” He looked back at me. The smile had reached his eyes. “Well, I have to say, this was real sweet of you.”

I nodded. “You’re the first person I thought of when I saw it.”

Apology gifts work...even with the dead. We both took our seats and everyone happily munched away at the junk food I’d brought. I could tell that Francine was eyeing me from time to time, just waiting for the perfect moment to ask. I should have saved her the anxiety but now that I was there, I really did see what was wrong about it. They probably didn’t remember shit about dying for a good reason, just like Angus had said.

“I know it’s only been a little while but you didn’t happen to get anywhere with, well, you know, what you wanted our names for?” Francine was being coy. It seemed very strange coming from her.

I could have said no. I could have lied and told her that moths had gotten to every scrap of history about her and that there was no way to find out a thing. I could have put it off like calling someone back, over and over. Eventually, most people would take the hint. But I couldn’t. Not really. This was never mine to hold back.

“Yeah, I did.”

Francine scooted to the edge of her chair. “Well? What’d you find out?”

“You want me to say it in front of everyone?” I don’t really know why I asked that.

“That bad, huh?”

“What? No! Not at all, I just...if you guys don’t care, I’ll tell you all where I’m at right now.”

“Well I don’t care, go ahead! Not like I’m taking a shit in front of anyone.” Francine’s eyes were bugging out a little bit now. It made her even less pretty.

“I don’t mind, either.” Dolly chimed in.

I looked at Doug. He wasn’t even listening. “Doug? So?”

He flipped down the big newspaper he had his nose stuffed into. “What? Oh, yes, go on.”

I was off the hook from everyone except probably Angus. I couldn’t handle looking at him right now so I just pretended like he wasn’t glaring ominously at me.

“Okay, well, first off, Dolly. You passed away the earliest so I haven’t been able to get a handle on your records yet.”

Her shoulders slumped a little. “It’s okay, I know you tried.”

“Hey! Dolly, she just said yet. She’ll keep looking, not to worry.” Angus patted her shoulder a little and then looked back at me. I couldn’t tell if he was glaring at me or pleading.

“Yeah, that’s right. I’ll keep checking.” The eyes got a little softer, a little easier to look away from. “Now, Doug. Turns out you died of a heart attack.”

He looked at me like I had just told him ducks like water. He nodded and then went back to reading his paper.

Now that was the letdown I needed. He didn’t care. Suddenly I felt better about everything.

“Okay, and Francine. Took some hunting but apparently you took too much insulin.”

Francine’s face was suddenly a big mix confusion, anger, sadness and disappointment. Now I realized how I should have gone about lying. I should have made up some crazy death like she was shot while in the arms of her boss or that she caught some rare tropical disease while hiking to Machu Picchu.

Anything but this. This death was so little, so easily accepted and forgotten by most. No articles would have been written about it. No intense investigation to follow. The day started out like any other. There was nothing foreboding about it.

“Why didn’t they just give me some sugar?”

She wasn’t looking at me. It was hard to tell if she was asking me but I decided to answer anyways. This was the part I really didn’t want to bring up. “Well, you were alone when it happened. You fell into a coma and when they found you it was too late.”

Her lips were twisting and puckering like they were trying to keep something nasty from coming up again.

It was Angus that finally broke the silence. “Hell of a peaceful way to go, Franny. Anyone should be so lucky as to just head off to sleep.”

Sounded like a stupid thing to me but the effect it had on Francine was like magic. The wandering look in her eyes was gone in a second, like he’d brought her back from some desolate corner of her mind. Whatever else Angus may have been, at that moment it was clear to me that he was also a good man.