Emily's Seams

The day at the lab was just as boring as any other. A lot of supplies had come in and all day I was fielding questions and complaints from the four graduate students that made up the lab. Where’s this stain? I ordered those slides three weeks ago. We’re out of paper towel. It was easier than most days to deal with their stupid questions. I had Angus’s cigarettes in my bag and I was planning a stop at 7-11 on the way to the old hospital. I felt like Santa Claus preparing for Christmas and I guess this made me more generous than usual with my coworkers.

Even at four o’clock, the day had held on to some warmth. The shock of the icy air conditioning of the overpriced convenience store was very unpleasant. I filled up my arms with magazines, newspapers, candy, chips, drinks and of course, peanuts.

The kid behind the counter was an idiot. There was no denying that. But the fat bitch that stood there waving the miscounted change he had given her was far worse.

“Sorry ma’am. Here, I’ll just get you the other five.”

“I was already five blocks away when I realized you had shorted me! Do you know how much gas I must have gone through just having to come back for this? I want to speak to your manager!” Her voice was so grating.

“Oh fuck off.” I muttered. Guess it was a little louder than I had intended.

“Excuse me?” she said, wheeling around. She looked like a pug dog. Her face was red and squished by the chubby cheeks and double chins.

“I said, oh fuck off.”

“Who do you think you are? This little shithead was trying to steal from me. That’s how they make their money!”

I sighed and shifted my weight to my other foot. Go ahead, Dumb Emily, you’ve gotten us this far. “Yes, you’re right. 7-11’s business model is to rip off idiots like you for five bucks a pop. And this genius, this mastermind behind the counter? Well shit, he’s actually a billionaire. The only reason he’s still working at this crappy job is so that he can dupe assholes like you into driving away without counting your change.”

Sweat beaded on her upper lip. It looked like I could have fried an egg on her forehead. She spun away from me, snatched the five dollars out of the cashier’s extended hand and wiggled herself out of the store.

I dropped my armful of loot on the counter. The kid just stared at me.

“What?” I snapped.

“I’ve worked here for two years and tomorrow is my last day. That was the best shit I’ve ever seen.” he said. He really did sound like an idiot. And he stood there with his mouth open.

“Yeah, well, that stupid cunt had it coming.” I muttered. Poor kid thought I was sticking up for him. Truth was I just hated people like that woman. Had to shit on someone else to make themselves feel all important.

He laughed. No, he brayed like a donkey. “Yeah, she totally did. Hey, you know what? My boss is an asshole. Take all this shit, on me.” He grabbed a bag and started shoving the goods inside. “Yeah, mastermind behind the counter. I’m fucking stoned every day.” He handed me the bag with a big, dumb smile. “Grab a Slurpee on your way out, kay?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

I actually took him up on the offer. It was cola slush mixed with grape. Julia’s favourite. The surgery taste reminded me of her.

I felt stupid. I was waiting in front of a wall in an abandoned institute for the mentally ill.

“Hello?” I called out. Now I felt really dumb. “Fuck this.” I muttered to myself.

I dropped the bag of goodies against the wall and rummaged through my bag for the pack of cigarettes Jude had donated to this mission of charitable lunacy.

“Holy smokes, is that all for us?”

I spun around quickly. I hadn’t heard him. Angus stared wide eyed at the bag of trash magazines and junk food I had brought for him and the others. And then he zeroed in on the pack of cigarettes in my hand. I thought he was going to cry.

“Are those Marlbourough?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I extended my arm and held them out to him. “My aunt smokes them too.”

He was about to grab them when something made him think better of it. “Just in case, maybe you should give me those inside.”

“Why?”

“I dunno. It just won’t work out here. I tried more than once to steal smokes from the kids that come here but it’s no good. I just can’t seem to grab them.” he said.

“Oh. Well, apparently I’m special. Want to try?”

Angus looked like he was steeling himself up for it, like he was really going to give it his all. He licked his lips as he reached out for them. Nothing. His fingers got as much purchase on the pack as fog. He looked defeated.

“Come on, Casper. Open up the wall. Maybe if I’m here to bring all this crap in, it’ll work.” I said. I was trying to be nice and I think he noticed.

He nodded and then walked over to the wall. The plaster curled away again but this time he stepped through first. I handed him the pack of cigarettes. My arm took on that same tingling, snowing-from-the inside feeling.

“Might as well see if Gabriel or some other archangel comes down to smite me for this before I go in there. You know, give me a running head start.”

He nodded in all seriousness. He reached for the cigarettes with the determination of an Olympic athlete. And I almost looked away, it was that intense of a moment. And then my hand was lighter.

His eyes were wide with surprise and joy and his mouth spread into a big, open mouthed smile of pure delight. “Holy fucking mother of Jesus, it works! You can pass us stuff! Thank you Lord for not fucking this one in the ass!”

And I’m the one with the potty mouth.

But I couldn’t help smiling. Angus was the picture of elation at that moment. A pony couldn’t have made anyone happier.

I grabbed the bag from beside the wall and stepped in after him and handed the goods out. No wonder Santa Claus stuffed himself down the chimneys of desperately poor orphanages. Giving pathetic people what they really, really wanted was kind of awesome. Almost a high.

Everyone noshed away at the junkfood and eagerly flipped through the magazines and newspapers. Even Dolly stuffed her mouth with a few fistfuls of chocolate. They asked me questions about the different things they were reading about but I could only answer so many questions.

“Wonder if you get Wi-Fi down here.” I said.

“What’s that?” Dolly asked.

“It’s used to pick up the Internet.” Doug answered without looking up from his paper.

“Oh right! The Internet!” Dolly exclaimed. “Doug here told us all about the Internet! Sounds so exciting!”

Francine rolled her eyes at Dolly’s enthusiasm. “Sure, we could all get our high school diplomas and then work towards our medical degrees.”

Dolly’s eyes grew wide. “Really? We could do that?”

“Oh hell, of course not!” Francine snapped, but then she stopped. “You can’t do that, can you?”

“Probably not legitimately. Even if you could, doubt I’d get any reception down here. Actually, let’s see.” I fished through my bag for my cell phone. It was an older piece of crap that I rarely used, but the boss of the lab insisted I had one in case he needed something. Most of the time I just left it at home.

“What’s that?” Dolly asked, lifting herself out of her chair to have a look.

“It’s my cell phone but I can get the Internet on here too if there’s any reception.” It wasn’t that the phone didn’t get reception. It just wouldn’t turn on. “Sorry, guess I forgot to charge it.”

Francine and Dolly settled in their chairs and went back to flipping through magazines. Doug still had his nose in his newspaper and Angus was reading a Sports Illustrated magazine.

I wasn’t too sure how to approach the subject, but after sitting in Julia’s empty room last night, I had to know. “So, I was thinking about how none of you remember how you ended up here. How sure are you that you’re dead?”

Angus looked up at me. He knew there was another question coming up shortly. “You just know some things. Trust me, Emily, we’re all as dead as they get.”

“Did you all just show up?”

“Pretty much.” Francine said.

“There were always five chairs so I knew to expect company.” Dolly added.

“Huh. I wonder whose chair I’m sitting in.” I said quietly.

Angus shrugged. “No rhyme or reason to the times we all showed up. That chair will probably stay empty for awhile.”

“Even so…” I stood up. I had lost my nerve to ask for what I really wanted. “I gotta go. But I’ll come back tomorrow. Any requests?”

“Scotch and a soda.”

We all looked at Doug.

“My stocks are doing well. It used to be my celebratory drink.”

That was kinda sad. I just nodded, grabbed my bag and headed for the wall.

The daylight was quickly fading when I left the hospital. It was black by the time I got home.

My aunt snored away in her recliner as usual. Mr. Puggums greeted me at the fridge and whined for his evening meal.

He snorted away as he inhaled his food. It sounded really gross so I left him to it.

I was about to go to my room when I decided to take the first left and visit Julia’s room instead.

It needed to be dusted.

I picked up the brown bear I had gotten for her when she was four years old. She took it everywhere with her. She named him Pig. On her first day of kindergarten she had cried for twenty minutes because she wasn’t allowed to bring Pig with her.

“Julia! He can’t go everywhere with you!” my mom pleaded.

“Why?” she wailed. Julia was five.

“Oh my God, I need to get ready!” My mom tore out of the room in her housecoat and slippers. “You better be ready to go by the time I get dressed, missy!”

Julia sat there and continued to blubber. I had been avoiding the confrontation all morning but it was clear that my mom was at the end of her rope and my sister was still a complete mess.

“Julia. What’s the matter?”

“I want to…bring Pig…but mom…won’t let me!” she sobbed.

I grabbed her little pink backpack, took out her lunch and stuffed the bear to the bottom of the bag. I replaced her lunch and zipped it all up.

“Now listen, Julia. Pig is scared so he needs to stay in your bag during school.”

Her nose was snotty and her cheeks were red as she nodded gravely. I suddenly pictured her whispering to her backpack and decided to nip that one in the bud.

“And he’s tired so no talking to him at school. He needs to sleep. You just leave him in there and pay attention to your teacher. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“And don’t tell mama that he’s in there. Just say that you’re a big girl and that Pig can stay home. It’s a secret that he’s in there, okay?”

She nodded even more enthusiastically. I gave her a tissue and told her to clean up her nose goobers. She laughed.

“Well, I guess you’re ready to go, missy?” my mom asked from the doorway.

“I’m a big girl and Pig can stay home.”

“And I am so proud of my big girl!” she cooed.

Julia waved to me as my mom guided her out through the front door.

“I love you Emily.”

I smiled and waved back. “Love you too Julia.” I held my finger up to my mouth and made the international symbol for shushing.

She nodded and waved again.

As I held the lonely teddy bear in my lap, I could only think about how much I missed Julia.