Emily's Seams

I’d been to California when I was a kid, before Julia was born. My mom came home from work and told me that we were going to Disneyland.

I was nine at the time. Thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure that’s the day she’d found out she was pregnant because there were a lot of vomit stops along the three day drive to Los Angeles.

She couldn’t go on most of the rides with me once we got there but she found sweet families in line-ups for me to pair with. All she had to say to the mom of the family was that she was in no condition to take me on the rides myself, and then she’d touch her belly. Yep, definitely preggers.

She always found me nice families though so I didn’t mind. It was a great day.

Angus didn’t need vomit stops, but he did have a few hacking fits along the drive that required us to pull over and wait it out. I offered to drive but he’d always wave me off, saying that he’d be fine in a minute.

And he always was, but more than once I saw him wipe a drip of blood from his lips. Whatever had gotten him the first time was just waiting to drag him down again. Every coughing fit was like a bloody note reminding him to pay up.

But not yet.

We made it to the Californian coast in less than two days. I don’t know how he did it. The first thing we did was take my aunt Jude to the beach. I had a leash for Mr. Puggums. I know he hated it but it was better than taking him out in his crate everywhere.

The day was ending and the sunset was something to see.

“Do you want to say something?” Angus asked.

I nodded. I hadn’t thought about it at all but it was just Angus, the cat and my aunt’s roasted bones.

“I hope you had fun with my dead mother’s money. I miss you.”

I felt Angus looking at me. “Is that it?”

“She knows what I’m trying to say.” I said. I wiped away some tears that had snuck up on me.

“Well, Ms. Jude. You made this old man’s second round worth the wait. I’ll miss you. Hopefully once I get up there you won’t be too busy with your other boyfriends to see me for a trip to Starbucks.”

I smiled. It was really sweet and strange hearing the cowboy make afterlife plans for coffee to a salsa jar full of ashes.

“Did you want to let her go?” I asked. “I don’t mind.”

He shook his head and handed the jar to me. “You go on. She stayed around as long as she did for you. You need to be the one to call it a day.” He took his smokes from his rolled up T-shirt sleeve and lit up.

Instantly I pictured myself throwing the ashes against the wind leading to myself and Angus inhaling bits of Jude. Thankfully I checked the wind’s direction after this thought. I thought about doing a test pinch just to make sure but that seemed really inappropriate for some reason.

I flung her up and away. Her ashes took on a new life and sailed out to the sea. It was the best of the three funerals I had been to.

“I think you and the other three spooks at the hospital proved that a body isn’t what counts in the afterlife. Where do you think she’s gone?”

Angus shook his head. “I have no idea.”

We took in the setting sun at nearby picnic table. The air was warm and salty.

“I was never a church going kind of man.”

“Angus, was that supposed to surprise me?”

He smiled. “That smartass tongue of yours is gonna get you in trouble.”

“Until then gramps, continue on with your point.”

“I was just thinking that even though I stopped going to church as soon as my mama realized that the devil had already claimed me, I still believed for a long time about heaven and hell. I thought for sure I was going to hell and that all those churchgoing folk were going up to the pearly gates. Once I got a mind of my own though, I started thinking that living bad Monday through Saturday and praying on Sunday probably wouldn’t cut it. Even though I was no good Christian, I still kind of thought there was something to it. Thought for sure I’d end up in hell.”

“Instead you got twenty to life in purgatory. Now you’re out on bail.”

He laughed. “Maybe that’s just it. I slipped through the cracks so one of God’s angels just stuffed me aside and hoped no one would notice.”

“Sure, but what about the other three?”

He shook his head. “They’re gone. I know that. Why I stayed behind, I have no idea.”

“Maybe you’re the angel. Sent down to give my aunt a good time before she kicked the bucket.”

Angus chuckled. “Well, if that’s the case then God is good to his angels.”

We crashed at a Motel 6. I ordered us some pizza and we lazed about the room, watching Friends reruns.

“Oh and this is great, see, in later episodes they start dating but right now they’re pussyfooting around one another like a couple of idiots.” Angus explained.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I, and every other twenty-six year old, had probably seen every episode of Friends at least twice.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a fan of this show.”

“Your aunt got me watching it.”

Wow. Friends. Starbucks. What had my aunt done to the cowboy?

“So, what are we gonna do now?”

Angus sighed. Mr. Puggums creaked. My stomach made some interesting acoustic contributions.

“You know, Dolly used to talk about Las Vegas all the time. Like it was the bee’s knees.”

“She actually said it was the bee’s knees, didn’t she?”

Angus smiled. “Oh, probably. All the same, sounded like a place I would’ve liked to have seen.”

Angus turned over on to his side to face me. “What’d ya think, Em? You ain’t got no job. God only knows what kind of time I’ve got left. Feel like a drive?”

I nodded. “Las Vegas it is.”