Emily's Seams

The next day at the lab dragged on. The boss had me book flights for him and his star grad student, Robert, to go to a conference in Atlanta. There were people like travel agents that could do this but the boss liked the idea of an assistant. Asked me to get him coffee on my first day. I considered Tabasco sauce or spit but then I realized I was putting in way too much energy. So I just didn’t. He asked me again every morning for a week before finally giving in to my noncompliance.

But I was bored today. There was too little to do but I needed to be there until the slides I was working on finished staining. At least I could be creative when booking the boss’s ticket. Of course I’d make sure they got there on time and everything, but multiple connections and huge layovers could be arranged. I’d think of something.

Four o’clock finally rolled around. As I was pushing through the doors of the lab I bumped into Robert.

“Oh, hey Emily. You heading out?” he asked.

“I booked your ticket for the conference in Atlanta next week.” I said and then headed straight for the elevators.

“Have a good night, Emily.” His hand made a tiny wave for me.

My stomach knotted a little. “Stupid Robert.” I muttered.

The day was drier than yesterday but the clouds were waiting. As I hurried towards the forest I suddenly felt very stupid about being so excited. I knew that it had probably just been a hallucination. I knew that. But all the same, I couldn’t help it. I really was excited.

The path down to the opening in the forest had dried during the day but the dirt path was still soft and spongy. I nearly took a spill on the steeper part of the trail but some shred of grace kept me upright and mud free.

The hospital stood in the forest opening, exactly as it had the day before. It was clearly no longer used for stashing the people of Huntsville who were plagued by a variety of disorders that left their minds on shaky ground. The door I had burst through the other day swung in the light breeze.

“Hello?” This was meant more for the kids that obviously came here to have sex and smoke pot than it was for some otherworldly being. I didn’t get a reply.

The room where the old man had made the wall peel away was at the end of the entrance hall, staring me down. A humorous side of me that I hadn’t seen in a few years started playing the theme to Jaws in my head. I laughed out loud.

Laughing out loud by yourself makes you feel crazy. Having someone that you didn’t expect to actually exist ask you what’s so funny makes you think you’re even crazier. I stopped dead in my tracks.

The old man suddenly appeared in the doorway. He had the stump of a cigarette in his mouth. Same white t-shirt with the rolled up sleeves. Same Red Sox cap.

He eyed me through the cloud of blue smoke that circled around him. “Surprised you came back.”

I nodded. “You and me both gramps.”

“Angus. The name’s Angus.”

“Emily.” I stood still and waited for him to do something. I’d never smoked in my life but suddenly wished I did. Having something to do, to make me look like I wasn’t waiting on anything, would have been a useful confidence booster at the moment. “So, you live in the wall.” Wow. Good stuff, Emily.

He nodded once. “You wanna see it again? Maybe come in and say hello?” He honestly made it sound like he didn’t give a shit one way or the other.

“Yeah. Sure.” I did not sound nearly as nonchalant as Angus managed.

“Alright then.” Same as yesterday, he brushed off the lit end of the butt and lovingly tucked it away in his pack of cigarettes. “Well come on in.”

The wall peeled away again, not making a sound as it did. Angus stood beside it like a doorman. “After you.”

And then Dumb Emily got behind the wheel. I watched in horror as my feet picked themselves up and stepped through the hole in the wall. Literally, I was walking into a hole in the wall. A cold tingling ran over my skin as if it were looking for the way in. I could feel it sink through my skin and into my muscles before settling like icicles on my bones. It was like I was snowing on the inside. As soon as it had started though, it was over.

I stretched up easily in the white room and moved a little to the side for Angus to crawl in behind me.

The room was a long rectangle with fluorescent lights. The walls were white and the floor was covered in large white tiles. There were no windows or doors. There was one table set up. White, of course. Five white folding chairs circled around the table. Three of them were filled. The contents of each chair were only similar in their shock at my arrival.

“Come on now, have a seat.” Angus said as he walked by me. He took the furthest of the two remaining chairs and pointed to the last empty one.

Dumb Emily slammed on the gas and I scooted over to that chair.

“Everyone, this is Emily.” Angus introduced me proudly.

“Well, look at you! Aren’t you just the prettiest little thing! Angus, where’d you find this cutie pie?” This woman, who sat to my right, had a voice like a baby. Her eyes were bright and dumb like a baby’s. But that was where her infantile characteristics ended. The rest of her was squished into a tight sequined bodice and tiny shorts to match. “My name’s Dolly.” She smiled brightly at me.

I couldn’t stop the words. “What the fuck is that you’re wearing?”

Her baby eyes suddenly looked wrong. I think she was tearing up a little.

“Oh come on now Dolly! She didn’t mean anything by it. Franny said worse to you the first time you met her. You know I think it’s just precious.” Angus said. He winked at her.

She smiled. The tears dried up before they could even pour. “Oh you.”

Angus laughed a little. “Dolly here was a show girl in Las Vegas. Damn good one too. Puts on a little show for us once in a while.”

“Oh Angus, stop! You’re making me blush!” She giggled in her little baby voice. Okay, maybe one more thing about this moronic earth-bound spook was infantile.

“Yes. Please do stop. First visitor we’ve ever gotten and you’re going to annoy her away.” This woman sat to my left. Her hair was a haggard, dried out mess. Her face was pale like she’d never been outside, and the dark rings under her watery blue eyes made it look like she never slept. Her body, no doubt a swell of fatty lumps and extra skin, was covered by a shapeless, baggy dress. I already liked her better than Dolly.

“Hi there, my name’s Francine. How’d the hell you find us?” She spit out the question like a piece of hair had gotten tangled around her tongue.

“I really don’t have a clue.”

She took this answer and chewed on it for a second. “Angus, anyone else ever see you?”

Angus shook his head. “Nah. No one. Not even those kids that get high as kites.” He pointed a finger at me. “This one here says it’s the year two-thousand and eleven.”

The small balding man that sat in the seat between Angus and Francine perked up. “Ah, Miss? Do you happen to know how the VF CORP did in 2009?” His fat little sausage fingers played with one another anxiously.

“No.” He looked very disappointed. “Is this actually purgatory? Like you are all dead and unbaptized or some shit?” Who else had ever asked such a question, I wondered.

“Oh heavens no! This may be purgatory and I may have lived in Las Vegas but I attended church every Sunday and I was surely baptized.” Dolly’s voice was like bubbles. Popping, annoying bubbles.

Francine huffed. “May have been baptized but there was no Sunday service for me. I worked every day I could until the diabetes got too bad. Watch your sugars, it just ain’t worth it! The foot pain is unbearable.”

“Are you still in pain?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No, not anymore. You don’t feel much of anything here. But I tell you, working on that assembly line day in and day out was the fast track to getting old and grouchy.”

“What? You didn’t just come like that?” Angus quipped.

“Oh shut it, Angus. Life hands you one too many lemons and you just start to get sour.”

He nodded. The cool cowboy’s way of accepting a momentary truce.

“Fair enough, Franny. I used to drive truck. Those long stretches of road are something else. I couldn’t imagine being cooped up in some factory. Would have driven me bat shit crazy.” Angus said.

“There you go again, with that back handed compliment. Well I didn’t go bat shit crazy, I just got tired. And now I’m stuck with you for pretty much all eternity. The man upstairs just ain’t letting up.”

Short, balding Doug said nothing.

Angus just looked at me.

“Look, it’s been a slice but I think I’ll start to shit myself if I stay here much longer.” I stood up to leave but something stopped me dead in my tracks. The hole in the wall was gone. “What the fuck? Where’d it go?”

Angus chuckled. Francine sighed. Dolly gasped. Bald man just kept looking disappointed.

“What?”

“I guess you could say that you’re just a bit of a surprise to us. And Lord help me if it ain’t true, you cuss like a sailor.” Angus said.

“Yeah, I’ll work on the potty mouth. Now open up that fucking wall, I know you can!” My hands were starting to shake.

Angus laughed again. “Sure. But I meant it when I said you coming here would be a real treat. Please, just sit with us for a bit, let Doug over here ask you a few more stock questions. There ain’t no TV here, no newspaper. Hell, it’d be downright depressing if it weren’t for Dolly’s occasional shows.” He shot her another wink. It made her giggle again.

I didn’t take my chair. “So, you really think this is purgatory?”

“Yup, we do! I was the first one here. The last year I remember was 1978.” Dolly chirped. “Then Angus came to keep me company.” She actually batted her eyelashes at him.

He laughed. “Dammit, knew for sure I wasn’t getting past St. Peter and those pearly gates. But when I saw her shimmying around this room in that little number I figured maybe the man upstairs had turned a blind eye to me enough times to get me up there. Franny here showing up was what gave it away.”

“Yes, and you being here just about convinced me that I’d been sent to hell.” Francine shot back.

Angus chuckled again. “I was watching the Red Sox play against the Angels in 1986. Last thing I remember.”

“I came in 1991. Had no idea how long we’d been here till Doug came in 2008.” Francine added.

“How’d you not kill yourselves?” I paused for a second and then felt really stupid. “Again, I mean.”

“Time doesn’t move the same way down here. I don’t know how to describe it. We know time is passing us by but there’s nothing to look forward to and nothing to remember. We don’t sleep, there’s no meal times. It all just kind of goes.” Francine said.

“And I never killed myself.” Angus said defensively. “Not saying I lived the best life but I tried to do right by most people and I sure as shit never killed anyone, not even myself. I really don’t know why we’re here.”

“I might have killed myself.” Dolly added innocently. “I can’t really remember.”

“None of us remembers, you twit.” Francine snapped. “Hey, where are we right now? What I mean is, we all came from different cities. Which one are we in right now?”

“Huntsville.” Blank expressions all around. “It’s a small city just outside Vancouver.”

“And this is a hospital we’re in?” Angus asked.

“Sort of.” I laughed to myself. “It’s kind of ironic really. I mean, this was where Huntsville threw all of its crazy people. Kind of a purgatory for the living.”

“We’re in a nut house?” Angus said incredulously.

I nodded. “Creekside. It’s been closed down since the sixties.”

“Figures.” Francine huffed.

I actually felt kind of bad for this pack of misfits. “Angus, I really need to go.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I thought you were just kidding about needing to shit yourself.”

“What? Yeah, I was, but I still need to leave! Look, I’ll come back tomorrow. Maybe I can sneak some stuff in here.” I pleaded.

That was enough. Angus shot out of his seat and went straight for the wall. I don’t know how he did it but the wall began to melt away and soon the hole was there again.

“Pack of Marlborough. And some peanuts.” For a guy that tried to play it so cool, Angus was suddenly just a little too excited.

I nodded and started to step through the wall but Doug’s pathetic yelp made me stop.

“Miss? Could you find out about VF CORP?” He was about two millimetres from begging.

“Yeah, sure. Okay, I really gotta go.” I said. I had no idea what the VF CORP was.

I didn’t have any friends. I’d made sure of it. Frosty bitch? Maybe. Flake? Never. I do what I say I’m going to do. I would find out about Doug’s stock. I would pick Angus up a pack of cigarettes and some peanuts. And I would bring an axe so Francine could at least try killing Dolly.

And I don’t know why but I was really happy thinking about coming back. Happy and laughing, both in the same day. It’d been awhile.