Cold Feet

VIOLA

Lara is away from work for a long time. I run the business and keep her informed about the most important aspects only. I don't trouble her with the day to day running of the business. She doesn't need to know about it. James isn't improving at all. He's been moved home and Lara has had changes made to their room to accommodate the care that he needs. It's just too expensive to keep him at the hospital even though her business is doing well.

Lara tells me multiple times that I'm a blessing for her and that she doesn't know what she'd do without me. I tell her not to worry. I'm only too glad to be able to help her.

Rick and I communicate via text message and phone calls mostly. It seems we've both agreed it's best to stay away from each other. When we speak it's purely business. There's no small talk at all. Neither of us will open the door to any more opportunities for weakness. As the wedding nears though, there is one last meeting that I have to have with Rick. It can't be avoided.

I've started working from Lara's office since I think it's more practical. I can communicate faster with her team and her secretary.

Rick can only make it at seven in the evening. We planned to meet earlier but he has a last minute meeting with a client that delays him.

I order pizza delivery because I'm hungry. I don't know if he's eaten but I order extra for him just in case he's hungry. The wedding is just over a week away and this is the final meeting to confirm everything. I finish my pizza and go through my notes again. I want to keep the meeting as short as possible. I pour us each a cup of coffee. As I do so I don't hear Rick enter the office. He approaches me from behind and speaks when he's right behind me. I shriek in surprise and turn spilling the coffee all over his shirt and suit.

It takes me a moment to recover and then I lay my hands on his shirt. I can feel his strong chest under it. The shirt is hot and I realize the coffee must have been scolding.

"Oh God. I'm so sorry!" I exclaim. Lara's office has a mini kitchen and I grab a cloth, wet it under the tap and then quickly start to wipe furiously at Rick's shirt making it even more wet. The coffee stain lightens in color but the wet spot spreads as his shirt absorbs the water.

"I'm so sorry," I exclaim again. By now his shirt is mostly soaked through and I can see the dark patches of his nipples. That and his muscles outlined against his soaked shirt are making me weak.

"It's okay," he says softly at last and covers my hand with his. It strikes me how small my hand is compared to his. I raise my eyes and meet his gaze. I've been avoiding it until now. And now it's too late. My eyes search his. I don't remember much except that I'm on my toes then kissing him. He doesn't respond for a moment but then he reacts, and it's not what I expected. He pushes me away. As he does so I hear a woman's voice.

"You fucking skank!"

I look from Rick to the voice and I feel the blood drain from my face. It's her. My worst enemy. Lara's best friend. Christine. What is she doing here? The weddings supposed to be secret? My inner voice answers sarcastically, so you think because the weddings supposed to be secret you can kiss another woman's man? You've really put your foot in it now.

I think I must look like a ghost. That or I'm about to burst into flame with shame.

Christine approaches rapidly and slaps me. Not once but twice, thrice...

I bring my hands up to protect my face.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Christine shouts. "I always knew you were from the wrong side of the tracks. When I'm finished with you, you'll be back there and you'll never make it back to this side. Even if you do, I'll see to it that you don't drag your trash along with you. Now get out!"

I drop my hands and look at her and then at Rick whose face is red.

"Get out!" Christine shouts.

I run and grab my bag and leave Lara's office as fast as I can. It's only when I'm in the elevator that I cry. I cringe and castigate myself. What the hell did you think you were doing? Fear rises in me and I feel sick. I know I'm done for. My career is finished. I have betrayed Lara's trust and if she has to choose there's no question about the choice she's going to make. I want to vomit right there in the elevator. I wish I could back and fix what I did, take the moment back. I pull out my phone and unlock it. I think it's better if I tell Lara myself. She doesn't need to hear this, not with her problems. She trusted me and I betrayed

it.

I leave the building and call a cab. I get in the back seat and look up Lara's number. I dial her number and wait anxiously for her to answer. She doesn't answer.

I start typing a message and then decide a voice message will be better.

I record my message, Hi, Lara. I'm

calling to tell you that I can't work for you anymore I'm sorry, I really just wanted to help you from the bottom of my heart and I've done my best but I have failed you and I'm sorry. When you find out from Christine, you'll fire me anyway. I'm sorry. Truly, truly sorry. I'll pack my things and leave your apartment. I'm sure I can leave the phone and laptop in the apartment for your man to collect. I can drop the apartment

keys back at the office tomorrow.

I finish the message and send it. As I do a message pops up on my phone. It's from Lara. I retrieve the voice message.

Viola, I've just had a very disturbing phone call from Christine. I'm disappointed to say the least. I have no choice but to terminate your employment. Please return your computer and phone to the office and leave the apartment. You can leave the keys to the apartment at the office as well.

I send a message back to Lara. Okay. I'm sorry.

That's it. There's nothing more to say or explain. I couldn't expect any more or less. I look out the cab's window and watch the city passing by. I feel as if I'm watching my dream dissolve and blow away on the wind. I had it all this time and I truly threw it away. I begin to cry silent tears. The cab ride seems to take forever.

I think of all the times that the universe kept pushing me back into the path of Rick, as if we were meant to be together.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it wasn't

that we were meant to be together.

fet

Maybe it's because this industry isn't for me. Maybe I don't belong here I and maybe it's used Rick to throw

me out again. I don't know what 4

I'll

do now. I can't leave Los Angeles again. There is opportunity here. I'll just have to find it. But that's the least of my worries right now.

I don't receive any messages from Rick. Why would I? I guess he's getting his ass chewed out by the bitch right now. She's probably pissed that I was handling the wedding arrangements. She might even cancel the wedding altogether just because I was involved although Id nothing really. It was all done before I got involved. Well there's nothing I can do about it if she

wants to be a bitch.

I arrive at Lara's office the next morning. Sabrina, her secretary greets me.

"She's expecting you," Sabrina says.

I'm surprised. "She's in?"

Sabrina nods. I'm immediately filled with trepidation. I knock on Lara's door and enter when she calls, "Come in."

She looks up when I enter and she stands and circles her desk. I stop and unshoulder the backpack with the computer. I open it and remove the computer. I place it and the cellphone on the coffee table along with her apartment keys.

"I'm sorry." It's all I can say. There's no excuses and Lara's got enough on her plate without still having to listen to my schoolgirl explanations.

She nods. "Thanks," she says. "You did a great job. I'm sorry to see you go but I can't condone what you did."

I nod and look down at my feet. "I understand. Thanks for everything you did for me. I wish you all the best and I'll pray for James.”

"Thanks," Lara whispers. I know she's about to cry and I don't want to see it. I turn and walk back to the office door. "Vi," she calls when I reach the door.

I turn and face her.

"Good luck," she smiles.

"Thanks," I reply and then I leave her office. I say a quick goodbye to Sabrina and then I'm gone. I deal with my tears on the way down in the elevator.

I called Amber the night before and gave her the news. I asked if I can crash at their place again until I get on my feet. Amber and Dane are only too happy to be able to help. I'll go there although I have no idea where to next.000000☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐