Cold Feet

VIOLA

I'm mad. I'm angry. He always does this to me. My little voice says, if he makes you angry, why are you standing here so close to him?

Shut up, I tell my inner voice. I am close. Too close. But I don't want to move away. This is my kitchen after all, my apartment. Well, note mine, but you know what I mean.

He's gazing into my eyes and he's close enough that I notice his eyes studying my face. They settle on my lips and I swallow. I lick my lips nervously before his eyes move down over my body.

I take my coffee and turn away. I move around the small island in the middle of the kitchen and head for the door. He watches me go and then picks up his coffee and follows me.

I lead the way to the living room and I'm pretty sure his eyes are on my ass. Why did I wear these shorts, I wonder?

I remain standing as I wait for him to sit down. He takes his seat on the sofa where he sat before. I should sit down on the single seater where I sat before but instead, I sit down on the opposite end of the three seater he is sitting on. I pull my legs up onto the sofa as I did before. I'm more comfortable that way.

His eyes follow my honey brown legs.

I know immediately I've made a mistake but I don't want to fix it as much as I know I should. I don't know why Rick is here. I don't know why I let him in.

Deep down I know I'm lying to myself. I do know why I let him in. I do know why he is here, even if he doesn't know it but I think on some level he does know.

"I'm sorry for everything," Rick says at last. "I'm sorry for how our first night ended. I'm sorry I had to be the one to take legal action against you, I'm sorry I didn't persist in contacting you, I'm sorry I..." "Will you shut up," I say.

He stops talking and looks at me.

"There's no need to apologize. It's all in the past. We can't change it."

"But you seem so angry with me. Every time we meet. I upset you. I can understand the first time we met, but the other times..."

"The other times..." As I start to say it my inner voice launches screaming bout in my head, no, no, no! But it's too late even as I realize it and I know this time my inner voice was right. "The other times had nothing to do with anything you did..." I trail off knowing I shouldn't say more.

"What? What is it then?" he asks.

I look at him and sip my coffee trying to avoid answering. His eyes are fixed on me. He slides closer and I know I better answer.

I lower my coffee cup as if I'm wielding a small shield made of caffeine that's going to keep him at bay.

I sit up straighter. "I am upset with you but it's nothing you do when you're here. It's what you've already done when you I see you."

"What do you mean 'what I've already done'?" I can see he is confused as hell.

I surrender my caffeine shield to the coffee table.

"You made me angry the night we met. You disappointed me with your views on relationships and marriages. You have no idea how nice it was kissing you in that garden. You drove me wild. I'd had my eye on you since the church..."

A smile spreads across his mouth slowly as he learns that I'd liked him since the church. I plough on.

Then you give the bride's parents your card as if to rub in what you told me and they hire you to sue me. As if that wasn't enough when I finally see you again, I have to find out you're dating someone and then. you're getting married!"

My voice has moved up a few notches as I tell him why I'm angry and I sound angry.

"It sounds like it's all me that did all of that. How is that you say you're not angry with me?"

"Don't you get it? I'm angry at life. Every time it brings us together it drives the disappointment deeper. This... this..." I trail off.

"This what?" he prompts.

"Just forget it," I say. I move to get off the couch but he grabs my wrist and stops me from getting up. I look at his hand angrily.

"Let me go!"

"Don't go, Tell me. Talk to me."

I lash out and slap him. He lets me go and I fall backward onto the carpet as he lets me go. He's surprised and he rubs his face from the blow. I sit up.

I've surprised myself. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I say as I get up and cross back to the sofa where he's still sitting. "Forgive me. I'm sorry."

He waves me away. "It's nothing."

Silence falls between us and I sit

down close to him with my legs under me. "I'm sorry," I say again. "It's just that every time I've seen you since I got back I've seen you more involved than I ever thought you would be. And I'm angry because I keep thinking what it would have been like if it had been me. It's like life is being really spiteful and rubbing you in my face every time we meet. I wonder what I did wrong that life is doing this. God I hardly know you but I can't get you out of my mind. Who knows if we had ever dated if it would have worked."

He turns and faces me. His eyes search mine. "Is that why you're angry?" he asks.

"Yes dammit!" I exclaim. "I couldn't believe it when I met you in the club the other night. I haven't been with a man in forever and when I saw you I thought, well, if I can't date him at least I can fuck him. Just one night. Sorry to be so honest."

He's smiling again. That stupid smile.

"And to make matters worse, I have to find out you're marrying her! Of all people!"

"Wait, you know Christine?" he asks surprised.

"Do. I. Know, That, That..." I want to say it but I can't. It's not fair to Rick.

He smiles again. "Can I do any more wrong?" he asks in disbelief. "I'm just trying to live my life."

That smile is back and right then I can't help myself. Even as my inner voice screams 'no', I launch myself at him. I'm kneeling on the sofa and I've got his face in my hands. My lips are on his a second later and I'm kissing him hungrily. God I want him so much. I want him now. He doesn't respond initially but then his resistance crumbles and his lips melt into mine.

We're like two teenagers who can't

control their urges. Our tongues lash out, dance, twist, writhe, and explore as our breathing quickens and we suck in air through our noses because mouths are stuck and not coming apart anytime soon. His hands run the sides of my body. I'm small and his thumbs brush against my hard nipples as his hands moved down. He feels every rib of mine as his hands move down. They reach the bottom of my tank top and his touch is like fire on my skin. His hands explore the soft skin of my belly. His touch is driving me wild. Then one hand circles to my ass and grabs it. He moans as we kiss. His hands are so strong, so powerful and so big. A moment later he releases my ass and his hand joins the other to tug upward at my tank top. He tries to lift it but I'm too impatient. I release his face and my hands grab my tank top. In seconds it's gone along with my lace bra.

We end our kiss as he looks at my small breasts like he's never seen breasts before.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispers

as he pulls me toward him and

fastens his mouth on my nipple. I moan as I feel his tongue slipping over my nipple hungrily and then he sucks it Softly at first and then harder until he feels like a vacuum cleaner. It drives me wild and I ache for more. I want him to suck harder but he releases my nipple and moves to the other. His fingers close over the nipple he's just left and he squeezes it as I sucks my other nipple hard.

"Oh yes," I gasp breathlessly.

His hand falls from my nipple down to my shorts and finds the bulge of my soaking pussy between my thighs. I moan as I feel his touch. And right then I can't believe it.

Right then, my conscience gives my desire a great big kick in the ass. Why I, don't know but it does. Maybe it's because he's finally touched my center. I know there's no going back from this. I know he isn't married but he's committed. I think of my mother who had loved her boss so much who had turned his back on her when she fell pregnant.

What if you fall pregnant, I wonder? Who will he choose? God he's just learning to commit and he can't even do that! Do you really think he'll commit to you? Who says I'll be pregnant? Maybe he's got condoms?

As I wrestle with my conscience my passion wanes and he senses it even as he continues rubbing me between my legs. And then finally he stops and looks up at me.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

I look down at him and right there, right then, when he asks those questions, I know this is finished. I step off the couch and move to the other side of the room.

"I can't do this." Even as I say it reality is rushing in. I'm aching for release between my legs but reality screams louder. He's engaged. And the woman he's engaged to is your enemy. Remember your mother. She was lucky your father honored his responsibilities but there are no guarantees here. His fiancée is Lara's best friend. You do this and she'll fire your ass so fast you won't know what hit you.☐☐☐☐☐☐