Black Blood

Before I fully comprehend what he’s saying, my chin is grabbed. The heavy, strong fingers allow me no room to move. I look into the dark brown eyes of my husband and realize my mistake. I shouldn’t have gone to Nora. I should have obeyed Christiaan’s orders. It’s my own fault.

The dark eyes stare deeply into me. As if he’s trying to decipher a way to push me to the limit, a way to break me.

A grin appears before my chin is forcefully pushed aside, and my cheek receives a hard slap.

That grin, I hate that grin.

I look at him, not giving in to the throbbing pain in my cheek, the pounding in my head, or the fear that has taken over my body.

I stand frozen while, in my peripheral vision, I see his hand move toward my cheek again. Staring at the white wall behind the bed, my sore cheek is struck again.

Thoughts race through my head while, at the same time, it’s eerily silent. Flee, fight, or wait, my body wants it all at the same time.

No matter how loudly the voice in my head screams for me to resist, I endure the blows to my face as if my heels are nailed to the wooden floor.

It’s only when I realize I’m losing my balance that I automatically stop myself from falling to the ground after the umpteenth blow. Dozens of stars form a sky in front of my eyes. My head spins, throbs, and my vision is anything but clear.

Staggering, I try to push myself up from the floor, but a kick to my stomach makes me curl up further on the floor. I don’t have long to catch my breath before a second kick hits my stomach. All the air seems to have been sucked out of my lungs. I gasp for air and start coughing.

Slowly, I push myself up until I’m on hands and knees, gasping for air.

I don’t have much time to fill my lungs. Christiaan grabs me by my hair and pulls me up by my almost tearing hair roots. At his command, all I can do is stand up. Standing straight is impossible due to my bruised insides. I stand crooked with my arms wrapped around my stomach, protecting myself in the only possible way.

Christiaan forces my head up and looks at me with a grin.

‘You deserve this.’

I want to scream, to hit, and to curse him, but nothing seems to come out of my mouth.

If I couldn’t resist and did so, would he stop hitting me? Who am I kidding, of course not.

Slowly, I push myself upright and attempt to straighten my bruised body.

Before I can place my foot on the floor, the monster grabs my hair again, paying no attention to the pain in my head. I’m pulled off the floor and dragged towards the bed.

‘Stop,’ I beg my husband before my body hits the mattress, while I fight against the burning tears in my eyes.

Unconsciously, I try to push myself further away from Christiaan, but in vain.

A rough grip at the top of my dress causes the fabric to be pulled to its limit before the diamonds fall to the floor like rain. The ticking echoes through the room. The fabric is torn, from my neck to my belly. The once beautiful lace and diamond details are just like my hope.

A slap on my cheek, blood flows from my nose, my wrists are grabbed and pinned above my head.

‘Stop,’ I beg again as Christiaan loosens his belt.

A normal person would kick and scream. My only reaction is to cry, beg, and freeze. Everything happens in a haze. My brain seems to shut itself off from reality, seeking a dream world.

The realization that he’s tying my wrists with his belt comes too late to resist. He lowers his pants and climbs onto the bed.

‘Please, stop,’ is my final plea.

Without saying a word, he pushes my legs roughly apart and forcefully enters.

I turn my head away and refuse to look at him.

I try to think of something else every moment, to distract myself from this place. The pain is unbearable. Every slap, movement, and pain pierces my body.

As Christiaan increases his pace, thoughts flash through my mind. My father’s terrible announcement, which could also be called my death sentence... Nora, who stands at my door after two years and makes me realize that the current situation with Christiaan is far from normal. Elien, the innocent soul who thinks his future will be bright, just like I once thought as a child.

Lies, I live in a world full of lies.

Yet, my thoughts keep returning to the current situation, the situation that Christiaan would label as sex. With my eyes fixed on the ceiling, I lie completely still, waiting for it to end, not knowing what else to do.

Christiaan’s panting and moaning make me nauseous, but I’m even more disgusted by my surrender, by my petrified body.

The moans get louder and louder, something that tells me it will be over soon. It is a welcome thought as the pain will be over faster. However, I also know that this pain will not immediately disappear with his departure.

A loud moan, a slap to my face, a tug on my hair.

‘This is what happens when you disobey me, you are mine, worth nothing and you always will be.’