Black Blood

An intense feeling of loss shoots through my entire body. That glimmer of hope vanishes in the sunlight and melts like snow in the morning sun.

Once again, I let my eyes glide through the darkness before the realization sinks in that there is truly nothing left but a few jars.

Slowly, I close the door in front of me and slide my hand off the iron doorknob. For a few seconds, I stare at the wooden door in front of me, realizing that my hope has evaporated.

‘Madam, you’re bleeding.’ Startled, I turn around to the voice.

She stands there, her blue eyes focused on me.

My breath is completely taken away. My mind goes into overdrive, unable to comprehend how and why she is here. With my feet rooted to the ground, I try to realize that she is standing there, my glimmer of hope.

‘Oh, Celeste.’ Nora, dressed in a beautiful blue dress adorned with pearls and diamonds, rushes towards me. Her long blonde hair is styled with silver accessories. The blue heels are visible through her hands, lifting up the skirt.

Her heels come to a stop in front of me as she gently lifts my skirt.

At that moment, I look at my bare legs, shocked by the sight. My legs are covered in blood. I should have known after the incident in the kitchen.

‘Come.’ Nora gently places her hand on my lower back. I recoil from the touch and take a step back. Nora’s blue eyes look at me even more bewildered than before.

The touch of Christiaan is one thing, but the touch of a stranger fills me with fear.

Nora lets her arms hang by her sides and stares at me.

‘We need to clean that up,’ she softly urges me.

In silence, we enter the room opposite the storeroom, the room of a dawn member. I stand in the doorway, knowing that if we’re seen here, I’ll face punishment.

The last time I endured that punishment, I spent a day in bed, unable to move from the pain. Christiaan had beaten me blue and used me until I couldn’t walk anymore.

‘Gods, what have they done to you?’ Nora’s concerned eyes make me avert my gaze out of shame.

‘We’re not supposed to be here,’ are the first words I’ve spoken to my better half in months.

Nora has always been the confident, adventurous, and clever one, along with Viko. Tristan was always kept in check by the group’s father and mother. I was the one who was a mixture of both.

‘Don’t worry, Marco does exactly as I say.’ I look at the woman in astonishment, not understanding. ‘I’ll explain once your legs are clean; your blood is dripping on the floor.’

She continues walking into the room, heading towards the bathroom. Nervously, I let my eyes scan the empty hallway before stepping inside.

The room is nearly identical to mine and Christiaan’s, black with blue upholstery. A large bed stands in the middle of the room, adorned with blue sheets.

Without paying attention to the details, I enter the bathroom. Nora stands at the edge of the bathtub, staring at me. She removes her hand from the edge, a sign for me to take a seat.

Nora grabs my skirt and lifts it once I sit down. I anxiously take the skirt of my dress that she holds up to me.

I look at the white wall in front of me, avoiding the blood in my peripheral vision.

Her breath catches as she looks at my legs.

‘What happened?’ she asks softly. She slowly stands up and retrieves a cloth from the cabinet, wets it, and sits back down in front of me.

‘It happens every time,’ I mumble slowly.

Nora places the wet cloth against my leg and gently begins wiping away the blood.

‘You mean your husband does this? He rapes you?’

Those words hit me like a hammer to the head, like a stab in the heart. Deep down, I knew this wasn’t how sex was supposed to be, but I never heard it spoken out loud, never saw the pain in someone’s eyes or heard a different version of the story.

‘Rape is a strong word,’ I mumble slowly.

I no longer know if I’m lying to Nora or to myself.

Nora lifts up my entire skirt, and I’m not quick enough to stop her before she lets her eyes wander over my skin.

‘You don’t consider this rape? Celeste, you’re still bleeding. If you’re doing this willingly, you’ll have to explain to me how you find enjoyment in it.’

Once again, a blow to my face, this time a different reality. The reality that you’re supposed to enjoy sex, something I can’t imagine or have ever experienced.

This time, I don’t react and stare at the white wall in front of me. Nora, too, remains silent as she continues cleaning my legs.