Behind The Alpha Series Book 1 Quinn

(Chapter song ‘I Remember Everything’ by Five Finger Death Punch)

QUINN

After my criminal episode, my dad never left me alone for a second. I was under house arrest and he tried to enforce that with constant lectures.

“Talk to me, Quinten! I’m bailing you outta jail? The moodiness! The aggression! What da hell is up with you, huh?” He stood in front of me and yelled as I sat on the couch.

“Nothing.” I mumble.

“Quinn. We had a plan, buddy. Remember? You get good friends, good grades and you go to a good school. What happen ta that, huh? What is it? Is it Rita? Is she in trouble for something?”

“No. It’s not Rita, dad. We…We broke up.” I turn my head away from him.

“What? Why?” He asks.

“I just…wanted something more and Rita couldn’t give me that.” I respond.

“So, is that why you’re slacking off?”

“No! Just…get off my case, alright?” I scowl deep and get up walking around the coffee table.

He meets me and grabs my arm. “Please…Quinn…Please tell me it’s not drugs…Please.” His face is extremely concerned.

I look at his hand and rip it off. “It’s not.” I growl deep.

“Quinn, just talk to me. Please.” He holds his hands out to me.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I eye him up and down. “Leave me alone.”

As I walk up the stairs, I feel my anger light the fuse of the emotional trauma I’ve been hiding this whole time. If he keeps this up, I’m going to unleash it and he will not like what I have to say.

After the bust, Spencer cut me off and I haven’t seen anyone from school. I pretty much gave up.

I sleep all day and when I need to, I sneak out and hunt the woods around the human towns that surround Solomon.

The blood is the only thing I need. Screw everything else. It’s the only thing that understands me. That makes me who I am. Without it, I have nothing but my fucked up life. It takes that away. Hides it from me so I don’t have to feel it. I don’t have to feel Rita. I don’t have to feel my parents. I don’t have to feel my messed up dreams. None of it. I just soak in the Lycan power. Just the thought that I could wage war on everything, makes the high so much better.

I don’t know why I don’t. I can only think that it’s because of my shifter. It’s like a conscience in a way. It stops me from really losing my shit. The power I have now, gives me the balls to not put up with my fathers crap. He’s trying to control me and he has zero right to do that. He never once earned that right.

My mother is playing middle ground between us and while a lot of my inner pain comes from her, I can’t blame her. I can only blame him. He knows what he did.

I spent the next year avoiding what’s inside.

It didn’t stay down long.

****

I stand out the window and look at the sky. The moon is deep blue. I stick my hands in the pockets of my dress pants. I wasn’t going to go, but my dad wanted the family to be represented in Red Rock. As a courtesy to my mother, I agreed. I’m the text book size of a large 19 year old. I'm 9 in wolf years and I have nothing but a blood addiction to show for it. All these fucking smarts and none of it’s useful in setting myself straight.

I look down at the blue light on my carpet and turn to the door.

I think the blood awakened more than my Lycan. It woke up my denial. My fruitless thoughts that I’m normal. I’m in no way, shape or form, what one would consider to be normal. The blood threw that right in my face and I exist only because of one fucking man’s desire to ruin lives. I stand here right now because of his fucking lack of morals and his cowardice to own up to them. He failed.

“Quinten?”

I look to my door. My mother is looking beautiful in a short, black dress and her hair half piled on her head.

“You ready?” She asks.

I clear my throat. “Yeah.” I give her a small smile as I walk to her.

She stops me at the door. “You ok?”

“I’m fine, mom. Never better.” I give her a quick kiss and head downstairs.

****

“So...We’re fighting the vamps right. I’m firing bullet after bullet. Zanders getting swarmed. Ricky’s trying to pull him up. The vamps are everywhere…” Luke Jackson. My dad’s friend. Mine too. My Uncle Luke. He’s hilarious if you like dirty talk. He’s been talking my ear off all night since I walked into the Red Rock ball. I’ll have to apologize to Eli the next time I see him, apparently vampires are real.

The last time Luke saw me, I was little. He says he has to get me on the field now. Like that’s happening.

I’ve also been drinking quite a bit. A shot here, a beer there. My parents are so engrossed in socializing, they kind of forgot I existed. Not like I’m not use to that feeling, especially now. My dad has become more like a prison warden than a father and Annabelle takes up a lot of my mother’s time. Really, I just think she’s easier to deal with.

So, I’ll just sit back and shoot the shit with my Uncle Luke until dad calls it a night. I’m not even interested in the moon. I’m not even sure it even works with me yet. Wolf Shifters don’t hit moon status until 18. As a Lycan, I could register on Fates radar, but I doubt she’s even paying attention to a freak like me.

I look out to the dance floor and see happy couples dancing and kissing. Newly formed bonds being celebrated. My mind wandered to Rita. We were once that happy. She’s moved since then. Her parents didn’t want her near me, so they move up north. Some big city near New York.

I tip my bottle back, just as I see my dad breech the dance crowd.

Fuck. I slam my bottle down.

Luke looks up. “Hey, Gid. What’s shaking?” Luke grins.

My dad looks at him. “You feeding my kid booze?”

Luke sits back and holds his hands out. “I didn’t feed him anything. He fed himself. He’s 19. He can handle it.”

My dad leans forward. “He’s barely 9.” My dad growls at him.

“Dad, back off.” I roll my drunk head to him.

“No. Get up. We’re leaving.” He grabs my arm.

I shrug it off. “No. Fuck that. I’m having fun with Uncle Luke.”

“Quinn. Get. Up.” He grits.

Luke leans over. “You, uh, better listen to your dad, kid. He’s not playing.”

“Yeah, well, neither am I.” I scowl and shakily stand, rattling the bottles on the table as I use it for support.

I'm standing my ground. He’s not pushing me around anymore. “I’m having fun and I’m not fucking leaving. You and mom go. I’ll find my own way home.” The blood I had in my system and the booze gave me serious super balls.

“Quinten, you’re drunk. Let’s go.” He grabs my arm.

I rip it off. “Who the fuck are you, huh? Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?”

Luke grabs my arm and leans in. “Quinn…Cool it, ok. This isn’t the place.”

“I’m your father…” My dad glares at me.

I shake Luke off and throw my finger at him. “You’re not my fucking father!” I shout loud enough for others close by to hear.

“Quinn, let’s go for a walk. Calm the whiskey, ok.” Luke holds my arm.

“No…Luke. I’ve held onto this for 4 fucking years.” I say, swaying on my feet and holding a finger to Luke. “And Gideon wants to hear what I’m feeling, so fine. Let’s fucking share.” I snarl.

I point in his face. “You have never been my fucking father. My mother is not my fucking mother, ok. The two of you are babysitters, at best. You know who fucking raised me…Dad.” I spoke his name sarcastically.

Jayson, Bastian, River and Lucius now showed up as Luke tried to diffuse me. “Quinn, let’s go…” Luke put his hand on my chest and I ripped it off.

“Quinn, Stop it.” My dad grinds at me.

My face turns to anger filled pain as all the emotional garbage I didn’t know how to process puked out of my mouth. I held nothing back.

“THE FUCKING LYCAN SCHOOL FOR BOYS! THAT’S WHO RAISED ME, DAD! NOT YOU! NOT MOM! A FUCKING SCHOOL!” My voice grew almost as loud as the bass music. More heads turned.

The Alphas tried to settle onlookers.

I tap my temple. “You know why I’m so fucking smart? You know why? PHOTOGRAPHIC FUCKING MEMORY!” I looked around the circle as the powder keg in the pit of my stomach exploded. “I REMEMBER EVERYTHING, DAD. THE DAY MOM DROPPED ME OFF AS A BABY AND ONLY SAW ME WHEN IT WAS CONVENIENT FOR HER! I REMEMBER THE BEATINGS TO SET ME RIGHT. I FEEL THE PAIN EVERY FUCKING SECOND! I REMEMBER THE ISOLATION, LOCKED IN ROOMS EQUILVENT TO CLOSETS FOR FUCKING DAYS AT A TIME! THE RIDICULE FOR BEING A GODDAMN HYBRID!! THE TORTUROUS BULLYING BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE A FUCKING FATHER!!!”

Some women around me had pained looks. Some men looked at my dad with judgemental eyes.

I watch my father crush under my words as he crippled in my blast zone. This keg ripped him apart inside. It was ground zero and there was going to be no survivors.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING COWARD! YOU DESTROY MOMS LIFE FOR YOUR DICK AND LEFT HER TO ROT! LEFT! US!! YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!”

“THAT’S NOT FAIR! I DIDN’T KNOW!!” His face was just as red as mine, but it was probably more humiliation than actually caring about my words.

I point to him and shake my head. “That’s bullshit. That’s complete bullshit! You could’ve come back for her at any point. Could’ve come back for us, but you didn’t. Did you, dad? No. You sat in your little town while I FUCKING SUFFERED FOR YEARS!” Tears start to well as I empty myself in the middle of the ball.

I’m shocked no one ended it, but I know I wouldn’t step in if I saw me right now.

My mom rushed to my dad’s side. “What the hell is going on?” She looks between me and dad. “Quinten. What’s wrong?” She starts to step to me.

My dad holds a hand to her and stops her. “Quinn…” He holds a hand to me. “Son, me and Ma helped you. All that you said. It’s in the past, son. You don’t have to worry about that now. We’re a family…”

“No!” My anger brews more and tears fall as I yell at him. “Don’t!...Don’t you fucking say it! Don’t you dare tell me to let it go. For five fucking years, I cried! I cried for you! I sat in the windows, watching other boys leave with their dads and I was left behind, CRYING FOR YOU!” My breath hitches as I start to sober a little.

“Don’t you dare tell me to let go of the fear, the abuse and the pain because for me, dad, that wound is still fucking bleeding out. It’s still so fresh in my mind, dad, I can’t just let it go…” I wipe my nose and scrub my face. “The only reason I didn’t say anything is because I didn’t know the words for it and I was just so happy to have a dad, I didn’t care, but now I do and you know what?”

My mom’s cheeks are flushed and wet. “Quinten…” She chokes.

I shake my head at her.

I look into my father’s eyes. “You know what…I now realize how fucking pointless you are. How much I fucking hate you. I can’t believe I even loved you. Everything is your fault. Everything. And the farther I’m away from you the better.”

I push past him and start for the door.

“QUINTEN!”

He grabs my arm and I don’t hesitate. I spin around and land a massive Lycan powered punch to his jaw. My eyes glow gold and my chest growls. My father crashes to the ground. The crowd backs off.

My mom falls to his side. “Quinten!” She cries.

I lean forward and point my drunk finger at him. “Stay the fuck away from me.” I look at my mom. “Both of you.”

I spin back around and push through the crowd.

Once outside, I burst out of my clothes and run. I just run.

The pain of everyday in that school runs through my memories. I’m trying to escape them, but I can’t. In my head, I’m 5 again and sitting in a little ball, crying my eyes out as my wolf sprints into the night. He has the control while I lose it.

My wolf whines and howls as the wind whips through my fur. My paws are running faster and faster. The moon is off its peak and the blue light starts to pale.

All of this was trapped inside. If I didn’t shift when I did, it’d still be trapped until I found the intellect to tell them how I really felt. If it wasn’t for the blood, I wouldn’t have had the courage to do so. Now that it’s out, I don’t know if I feel better or worse.

All I know is I need to just start over somewhere. Somewhere where I’ll never have to see my dad’s eyes again and the immense disappointment I caused him.