Behind The Alpha Book 4 CASS

CASS

It’s there. The lingering end. Like a giant wall about to crash into. When I look at Ember now, I can see it. Soon she won’t be sitting on my couch, her bare toes wiggling on my cushions. Her head engrossed in her phone as her pretty, pouty mouth sips her coffee cup.

My house will be quiet again. No laughter. No yelling my name in frustration. No bickering with her brother. No soft whispers that give glimpses into the feelings she’s fighting.

It’ll be empty. I…I will be empty.

I’ve gotten so used to having her around. She fits so well. She looks comfortable and on some level, at home. For however long I had her, I gave her a home. I gave her so much and soon, I’ll give her my chest. I’ll stand and take it because I have to trust that this is the right thing.

To an extent, she’s right. Maybe our love shouldn’t be based on magic. Is it really authentic? Is it really real? I’ve thought so hard on this. I can’t say I even felt like I under some spell, but I suppose you’re not really supposed to feel it, are you?

I walk into the common room. “Hi.” I smile and wave. I walk to her, lift her legs and sit. I place them on my lap.

“Hi. What’s up?” She says as she puts down her phone.

I gently run my hands from her feet to her thighs. She’s in Jean shorts and t shirt. She looks so perfect. Her fiery hair in a messy bun. This is exactly what I wanted all along. Someone to fit with me. Why does the one person who does that, have to leave?

I smile quick. “Did you see the moon last night?”

“No, I’m sorry. Was it nice?” She sets her phone on the table and folds her hands in her lap.

I watch my fingers run across her skin as I feel the sparks from her in my arm. “It’s turning blue. It was a beautiful pale shade.” I turn to her eyes. “Soon it’ll be deep blue.”

“Wow. I’m sorry I missed it. You know what this means?” She says.

“What?” I know what I want her to say, but she won’t.

“It means we need to light a fire under Pucks ass and get this arrow made so you’ll be ready for the moon.” She chews her cheek and nods.

“Yeah.” I scratch my nose and sniff. “Hey, um…I know you said no, but I really feel…”

“I told you…” She flops her hand to me.

“I know…I know you did. Ember, I…” I turn to her and start to plead.

“Alright, kiddies!!”

We whip our heads to the back as Puck comes out with the arrow and sets it down on the island. “Are we ready for the last ingredient?”

We look at each, my eyes begging and pleading with her.

She stares at me. I see her swallow. “Yes. Let’s do this.”

My head lowers as she stands and walks past me, around the couch, to her brother.

I press my lips together, get up and go join them.

Puck opens the box on the counter, he leans on the edge of it. “Ok. This last ingredient is the reason it takes so long to get this made. It’s not something you see very often and you guys are going to have to patient until one pops up.”

“What is it?” I ask.

He looks at both of us. “A rose…given out of absolute pure devotion.”

The room grew heavy.

Ember leans forward. “Puck. That’s impossible to find…”

“You have try, Ember.”

“No, there’s got to be a better way. That will take too long.”

“Ember, I specifically created this arrow. You can’t just substitute…”

As Puck and Ember bicker back and forth, I look to my common room.

My brows stitch up as I slowly step to a vase of roses on a table that my cleaning lady left.

I swallow the lump in my throat as I pluck one from it. I hold it to my nose and smell its fragrant scent. My eyes flick to Ember as she fights with Puck.

I bite my cheek and walk over to her.

“Listen, don’t get all high and mighty on me…”

“Em…” I say to interrupt.

She turns her head and spies the rose in my finger tips.

“For you.” I say with a shaky breath. I hold it out to her and notice that I'm slightly trembling.

Her eyes flick between mine and the rose. She reaches out and puts the stem in her finger tips. I let go of it and the rose bursts into a brilliant red light with spurts of gold glitter.

She looks at me with even softer eyes.

Our eyes lock and I want to scream. I want to rip it from her hand and not let anything happen to it. I want to scream stop so loud.

“Um…Ok…Maybe it’s not that hard to find.” Puck says. “That’s pretty lucky…Ember, the rose.” Puck holds out his hand.

My eyes plead with hers. Don’t. Please, don’t.

She blinks a few times, lowers her head and turns. She walks the flower to her brother and holds it out.

I bite my tongue so hard and fight wanting to stop him, but he takes it and it’s over in a second.

He burns the rose and any hope I ever had to hold the love I held so deeply.

The ashes fell on the arrow and glowed red like it was on fire. That was it. It burst out a shimmering silver light. It was so bright I had to cover my eyes with my arm.

It’s ready.

He lifts the lead arrow slowly out of the box. He holds it up in his fingers. “The Heart Smasher.” He says low and quietly. “The ultimate nullifying arrow. Will break any bond created by a God. Leaving the one receiving it so punched in the chest, they will wish for death before the healing can even begin to be felt.”

Ember glances at me. I see in her eyes that she is being hurt by this. What’s not clear is, is it the love being smashed, or is the pain I’ll go through? I can take the pain. God knows, I suffered enough of it. The love? That’s a different story.

Ember reaches for it and Puck pulls it back. “We need to activate it first.”

“With what?” Ember tries to hide her hitched breath, but I hear it.

“Words from the heart.” He says.

“I'm sorry, what?” Ember asks.

“A love letter.” I say.

“Precisely.” Puck says.

I pull out my wallet and fish out the letter I’ve been carrying around. I hand the folded piece of paper to Ember. She takes it as her mouth falls open.

“You’re just full of romantic surprises, aren’t you?” Puck grins.

“I wrote that the first night you were here. I was waiting for the best time to give it to you. I guess now’s as good a time as any.” I stuff my wallet back in my pocket as she opens the letter.

I have each word committed to memory.

‘Ember

I know we just met and that you say I’m just a mistake, but I want to tell you, when you kissed me, my world changed forever.

I know you think it’s just your magic, but I don’t think so. I felt you, Ember. I felt my heart connect. I felt what you had inside.

You are the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I can’t express into words what I feel. I want to be able to show you. I’ve never wanted anyone so much in my life. I’ve never wanted to change for someone so much. You gave me hope. Hope to find real love. I hope to find it in you, but if not, I understand.

I’m not a mistake. I promise that.

I really do love you.

Casper.’

She covers her mouth and I can scent the salt in her eyes. I stand with my hands in my pockets.

“Em…the letter.” Puck reaches for it.

She sniffs and hands it over. He wraps my letter around the shaft.

I watch my words as they prepare to be gone forever.

He holds the arrow up with the paper around it. “Burn it.”

She looks at me. “I’m sorry.” She whispers.

I force a smile. “Don’t be.” I whisper back as I bite my top lip.

She lights the letter and I watch it burn. Again the arrow glows like fire and the cracks in my heart get bigger. The ashes of my hearts words are absorbed into it. It dulls down and I lower my head.

All that’s left is heart crushing pain.

Puck places the arrow back in its box. “Now, we need the moon.” He says as he locks the box.

“The moon?” I ask.

He nods. “It’ll pack the most punch when it…you know.” He darts a finger into his heart. “The moons power will fuel it further. We have to do it outside. Under the moons rays."

“When’s that?” Ember asks.

“Two days.” I mumble.

She walks to me. “I guess we have some time.”

I push her away. “I…” I furrow my brow. “I just need to be alone for a awhile.”

I turn and head for the door.

“Cass!”

I don’t even stop. I get in my car and peel out.

I drive down the highway heading to Falcon Ridge. I look up at the sky. It’s late afternoon and the sun is heading to sunset.

A tear falls from my eye as images of my love burning fill my mind. The feeling of hurt and betrayal I felt as she watched my words to her go up in flames. She couldn’t care less. All she cares about is the fucking arrow.

Another tear falls as I smack the steering wheel. My speed increases and I enter Caledons wood covered highway.

It’s not fucking fair. It can’t happen this way. I’ve had all kinds of rejection, but this…it’s fucking cruel.

I see the sun sink as the cracks threaten to explode my heart. What kind of sick joke is this? Fate is one twisted bitch.

I wipe my eyes and nose as I pull in front of the unit. I get out and walk to the chain link fence. I climb it and hop over to the other side onto the training field.

The night starts to get darker as I walk around the field with my hands in my pockets. Embers beautiful face floats in my brain. Her smile. Her touch. Her sweet kiss.

My breath hitches as I sit and lay down in the middle of the field. More tears slide down my temple as I gaze at the stars.

A pain filled smile crosses my lips as I remember holding her under them and thinking this has to be forever. It has to be. Why can’t I have forever?

I scrub my face and sit up. I rest my elbows on my knees and run a hand through my hair. How can it be so wrong? How can she be so unfeeling? She saw me beg. She heard me plead to her. Maybe she doesn’t love me as much as I think she does. In 48 hours, she’ll prove how much she doesn’t when she shoots that arrow at me. This feels so wrong.

“Casper…”

I lift my head and turn to the most gorgeous face in existence. My face pains even more as she walks around to me and squats down.

I try to contain myself and she rests her arms on my knees.

I look at her. “I’m sorry.” I hitch.

“No, Cass. I’m sorry. My temper is what got us here. You shouldn’t have gone through any of this.” Ember rubs my arm as I nod.

“No. I’m sorry for not being able to show you how much I love you. If I was able to do it right, you wouldn’t want to shoot me.” I try to push the lump in my throat down.

She smiles. “You did, Casper. You did. I don’t want to shoot you. I have to. I’ve been telling you, this love you feel isn’t natural. It’s not you.”

“It is Ember. I swear, it is. Everything I feel for you. It’s real and you’re going to take it away. Please why can’t you just trust me?” I hold her hands. “I love this feeling so much. I love loving you. I can’t see me not loving you. I just wish you could feel what I do. You’d see.”

I see tears well in her. “Please come home. You need rest. When this is over, I promise you, you’ll understand everything. You want me to trust you, you have to trust me. I wouldn’t do anything out of hate. I don’t hate you, Cass. I never did. I feel it too. I love you. So much. It’s because I love you that I have to set you free. I don’t want to, baby. I don’t. If I could, I’d let you live like this, but your mind wouldn’t be able to take it. I have to fix you. If that means losing you, then that’s what it means. I’m sorry I held back so long. I love you, Cass Raven. It breaks my heart.”

She starts to cry as I grab her and bury my head in her neck. “I love you, Ember. I don’t want to lose you.” I cover my eyes as I take in her scent. It seems more intense now. I think with my emotions being all over the place, my senses are all heightened with my pain.

“It’ll be better. I promise. Once you’re nullified, it’ll be clear. Your feelings will be straight and your heart will be true. Once you find your fated, you’ll heal and be happy.” She pushes me back and smiles.

“I don’t want my fated. I want you. I don’t want to be happy if I can’t have you, Ember. You…you’re in me. So deep. You have no idea.” I hold her head and kiss her lips gently.

She grabs my hands. “Let’s go home.” She wipes my tears. “We can talk there, ok.” She stands and holds out her hands to me. “Come home, baby.”

I nod and grab her hands. She blinks us into my car and I drive us home. The whole way there, I think over her words. She finally admitted she loves me. It feels a little too late, but I’ll take it for as long as I have it.

I grab her hand and kiss the back of it. She smiles and I smile back. My eyes are bloodshot and my cheeks flushed.

Maybe she’s right. I feel so much I can barely contain it. Half the time, I can’t make sense of any of it. Maybe this will set me straight. I’ll have a clearer mind.

Maybe I’ll still love her after the arrow hits me. It’s possible it won’t even work. It’s supposed to destroy the magic right? What if it does, but my feelings don’t change? It might all be pointless. I can show Ember that I was right all along. I can hold onto the hope that after this, I’ll still be madly in love with Ember Rose and not even a Godly heart destroyer can change it.

A genuine smile fills my lips as I start to hold onto that thought. It won’t work. That’s what this was all for. To prove that my love for her can’t just be stabbed out of my heart. The real love I feel will never go away. I’ll show her.

The moon won’t let me down.

Not this time.